It’s 2016, and I can tell you’re not ready. The last twelve months really added wear and tear. You’ll have to do more than make resolutions you won’t keep, if you’re gonna roll through another year. I’m here to help, though. I’ve taken a good look under your hood, and I think I see the issue. It’s not a problem yet per se, but it could seriously affect your performance in the coming days.
Let me break it down for you.
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Filed under Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Saturday Movie Matinee, Uncategorized, Worst Of All
I seldom forget a good paroxysm of laughter. For example, one of the best memories of my time working at the mall record store involves an album played after closing, one night in 1993. Myself and two other employees were doubled over, purple-faced, unable to breathe from laughing so hard. It felt like the skin at the base of my skull was going to split.
The album was They’re All Gonna Laugh At You!, and the man responsible was Adam Sandler.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Saturday Movie Matinee, Thousand Listen Club
Fame is a funny thing. When it gets too big, it works against you, and you become overexposed. You’ve seen it time and time again; a company pushes a performer or a movie so hard, you can’t recall a time when you weren’t sick of them. Even their positive qualities become tiresome.
Then eventually, we acknowledge their talents, allowing that they were revealed during a time of intense corporate saturation.
Before 1986, there were three television networks; CBS, NBC, and ABC. Then in October of that year, Fox became the fourth, co-founded by the tyrant Rupert Murdoch. Fox would introduce a slate of unusual programming over the following two years, which included Married… With Children, The Arsenio Hall Show, 21 Jump Street, and a variety program (with animated bumpers) called The Tracey Ullman Show.
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Filed under Animation Analysis, Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club
At least I didn’t put this up yesterday. (From BANDS I USETA LIKE II.)
Otto Petersen was a ventriloquist who entertained audiences from the early 1970s until his unfortunate demise in 2014. He was a living encyclopedia of show biz minutiae, and was admired even by the likes of Jeff Dunham and David Copperfield. He wrote the obscene nursery rhymes that made Andrew Dice Clay a star. His crowd work with dummy George Dudley was so sharp and quick, no one ever gave a shit that his mouth moved. Otto & George was one of the funniest acts in the business; maybe even the funniest. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Late To The Party, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions, Podcastery
If my anti-Star Wars rant alienated you, this’ll send you running for the safety of the Huffington Post: I fucking hate the Beatles.
Sharing the things you love with your children is a dangerous thing. Your passion becomes their default setting. While I was growing up, everyone, parents, teachers, counselors; EVERYONE ADORED THE BEATLES.
Everyone, of course, except me.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club
That Turd of Shame should be bigger. I still have that Jesus Christ Superstar LP, for crying out loud. But take heed; without ALW’s bloated messiah opus, Mr. Show would never have given us Jeepers Creepers Semi-Star.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All
It’s September, folks, and you know what that means! Fall weather, leaves changing color, ringing school bells, and a new issue of BANDS I USETA LIKE.
Available everywhere this fall
It’s the perfect item to get you kicked out of class this semester! Forget about technicolored hair, tribal piercings, and half-exposed genitalia. When your teacher or professor sees this in your hands, they’ll know you’re a true subversive– the type of weirdo that always grows up smarter than everyone else. You don’t just take the trends and paradigms that life hands you- you subvert them, and expose their hidden hypocrisies for all to see. Your contempt for the lowest common denominator is already deep in amber. You’re the reason there used to be not only MAD, but CRAZY, SICK, PLOP, and even a little rag called TRUMP. They kept young minds like yours from becoming good little automatons.
I got your back. Print is forever. How do I know? Because I have piles of it, going back two hundred years. People and computers die. Books do not.
Get ready. Class begins again this fall.
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Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Magazine Rack, Site Stuff
Almost every single aspect of my personality can be explained by one simple fact: when I was a kid I ate a bouillon cube.
I was too young to know better. I had witnessed the flavor sorcery that resulted when my parents would cook with a bouillon cube. Surely, I reasoned, if it made dinner taste that good, then a whole cube of it would be a trip to flavor heaven. I even imagined it might expand into a steak or a burger, like in The Jetsons. So one evening I sneaked into the kitchen, unwrapped a beef cube, popped it in my mouth, and chewed it up. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Eatable Things, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Thousand Listen Club
The signs were there all along. It doesn’t take a genius to see what this means. It was only a matter of time. The evidence just kept mounting, until finally, the pressure was too much. Something had to give. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Site Stuff
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