It’s September, folks, and you know what that means! Fall weather, leaves changing color, ringing school bells, and a new issue of BANDS I USETA LIKE.
It’s the perfect item to get you kicked out of class this semester! Forget about technicolored hair, tribal piercings, and half-exposed genitalia. When your teacher or professor sees this in your hands, they’ll know you’re a true subversive– the type of weirdo that always grows up smarter than everyone else. You don’t just take the trends and paradigms that life hands you- you subvert them, and expose their hidden hypocrisies for all to see. Your contempt for the lowest common denominator is already deep in amber. You’re the reason there used to be not only MAD, but CRAZY, SICK, PLOP, and even a little rag called TRUMP. They kept young minds like yours from becoming good little automatons.
I got your back. Print is forever. How do I know? Because I have piles of it, going back two hundred years. People and computers die. Books do not.
Get ready. Class begins again this fall.