Part of being an inscrutable artist weirdo like myself is that you love it when people buy gifts for you, but you never buy gifts for anyone, because you feel an inner obligation to instead create something for them, which you then you take forever to do, and you just end up looking ungrateful.
I like to think I handle disrespect pretty well. I’ve been told I’m not funny before, I’ve been told that my cartoons are badly drawn, and it doesn’t bother me. I’m not in high school; I’ve been published and working for over thirty years, and I know full well what I’m capable of and what I’ve accomplished thus far.
If I’m disrespected as a man by another man, the solution is very simple.
I know at least one or two of you out there have been wondering why I’ve posted so infrequently this year, and why I went completely AWOL from social media. Since the truth is bound to trickle out very soon, I thought I’d break the news here, where it can be shared with the most readers. Guess what friends:
I have a 100% real, absolutely serious offer for any women in the audience over the age of 18. I assure you; although I am a humorist, this is no joke.
I’m ostensibly going to talk about double standards in the media for a bit here. I may repeat myself from previous articles for emphasis. Consider yourself warned.
Some people live their entire lives without ever realizing the restraints the real world puts upon them. They work a regular 9-to-5 job, watch regular TV shows, and read the comics in the Sunday paper, regularly. They make small talk with everyone they know, and keep any heavy thoughts they might have to themselves.
The gist of my sentiments here today is this: on the 27th of this month, I will be fifty years old. I don’t understand it any better than you do. I feel no older than 38. I don’t look at my face, hands, or body and see those of a fifty-year-old man. I can walk a mile in ninety-degree weather without issues. I don’t talk about it much because my age is a recurring reminder that my ability to empathize with other humans will only continue to dissipate.
I have now passed the half-way mark on my least productive year in a decade. Even when I was practically homeless and actually starving a ways back, I was producing more work than I have this year. I know what the problem is.
Pictured: The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know who should go fuck themselves.
In case you missed it, Bands I Useta Like (the comic strip, not the site you are currently reading) is over. I am forced to accept that a printed periodical outlet for the strip I have drawn for the past twenty-three years no longer exists. This is the theme of the 2020’s; forced acceptance and submission. Historically, I do well with neither.
So, in the spirit of the current times, I am accepting my own flaws and shortcomings as personal advantages, and forcing them on the rest of society and the world. As a pipe-tooting sailor once said, I am what I am.
You must be logged in to post a comment.