Straight Talk

I’m ostensibly going to talk about double standards in the media for a bit here. I may repeat myself from previous articles for emphasis. Consider yourself warned.

If you look in the back of certain free magazines, in the classifieds, you might find advertisements for something called “Gay Conversion Therapy”. I’d post a link here, but if I suddenly dropped dead before clearing my history, it would both confuse investigators and muddy the points I’m about to make.

Actress Anne Heche (Donnie Brasco, Psycho) died very badly in August of this year, after crashing her car into a house at high speed. Looking back on her life, she was plagued by extreme psychotic incidents, which she claimed stemmed from her tragic family life growing up. According to Anne, her father raped her from the time she was an infant until she was twelve years old. She alleges that she received genital herpes from her (purportedly gay) father when she was a baby, which her mother called a “diaper rash”, refusing to take her to the doctor.

Anne’s mother Nancy has been a Christian therapist since 1997, and since 2005 has focused on “overcoming homosexuality”. She and Anne’s only surviving sibling Abigail refute Anne’s allegations of sexual abuse at the hands of her father, and insist that Anne herself has expressed doubt about them. The Heche household while Anne was growing up was Fundamentalist Christian.

In 1997, Anne Heche began a high-profile lesbian relationship with renowned talk-show goblin Ellen DeGeneres, whose name does not get redlined as a typo in WordPress like Heche’s does. In 2000, they separated acrimoniously, Heche became estranged from her family, and subsequently dated only men. In her memoir, she stated that she “never identified as a lesbian”, and claimed that the labels “gay” and “straight” were irrelevant to her.

Since 2005, Nancy Heche has been an activist on behalf of Love Won Out, a group with ties to Focus on the Family, about “overcoming homosexuality”. Heche believes that homosexuality is a sin and that through faith in Jesus Christ people can change their sexual orientation, noting that she is not attempting to “convert” gays. She speaks in many areas of the country, often at churches and other organized events, about “leaving homosexuality”. Speaking about Heche’s activism, Melissa Fryrear, a self-described “former lesbian” and Focus on the Family’s director of gender issues for their government and public policy division, said, “It’s wonderful because she obviously offers two unique perspectives, one that she is the parent of someone involved in the homosexual lifestyle and as a spouse whose husband led a secret life.”

A site that changes the meaning of “recession” to protect the current administration‘s total incompetence

Accounts vary about the Heche matriarch, but there are many groups that do practice what is known as “gay conversion therapy”, which use various methods to “cure” people of homosexuality.

How’s that make you feel? If gays are “born that way”, is this not unnatural and abhorrent?

Okay, then why does the LGBT community get away with believing that within every straight man, there’s a closeted homosexual just screaming for release?

Why do gay men like Billy Eichner, helmer of the thinly-veiled gay porno movie Bros, get to rage against all heterosexual men for ignoring his brave and empowering efforts? Why does this delusional person believe that any straight man would want to watch naked gay men grappling and sodomizing each other?

So, if it’s abhorrent to convert gay men into heterosexuals, why is it okay to constantly bombard straight men with pro-gay propaganda? Why is it okay to expose impressionable children to the “gay lifestyle”?

How is that not an attempt at “conversion”?

Almost every single gay man I’ve ever known treated myself and other straight men as secret homosexuals longing for that fateful nudge to the other side. That isn’t acceptance, or tolerance. It’s recruitment.

Am I wrong?

Let me tell you all about how gay I am.

As a teenage virgin, I thought I would go out of my mind wanting to know what female breasts felt like. I daydreamed about this all the time, excepting the long periods where I thought about vaginas. Once I finally started getting laid, it only became worse.

Women’s breasts are a never-ending garden of delight and wonder. They come in a seemingly infinite variety of shapes and proportions, not just in cup size, but in the areolas and nipples. It’s mind-boggling; they even feel different from woman to woman. Some are firm, some soft. Some women will allow you to press against their back and slide your hands up to gently squeeze her breasts. Sometimes they let you crush your groin against their butt, tightly embrace them, and kiss their neck. It is intoxicating.

I know of no greater sensation or experience than sliding my wang into a woman’s wet vagina. It goes right in, and once you’re in, it feels like your dick belongs there. This is all a natural anatomical gambit to get your sperm into her Fallopian tubes, and create another human in the form of a baby. The woman generally gives you a look like “I never imagined I could feel this good”, and then you try to top that by giving her a screaming orgasm, in the minute or so before you lose it and pop off. Because that’s how good a vagina feels. Some women can even clench it, adding a whole other level to the experience.

Women typically have different butts than men, because their pelvic bone tilts back at an angle. There’s something called “Lordosis syndrome”, where the tilt is so dramatic, the woman’s butt sticks up like an offering. “Steatopygia” is when a woman’s posterior is, to be polite, unmissable. Most women have two dimples at the base of the spine, just above the butt. When a nubile female bends over while nude, a literal crosshairs is created by her cleft and gluteal folds, ensuring that even the stupidest of men can figure out where the target is.

Most women have skin so soft that all you want to do is caress it. Their hips and thighs are smooth and cool to the touch; everything is squeezable. Their legs are often so aesthetically beautiful that they’ve been rendered in fine art for hundreds of years. The entire female form is fine art; art you want to fuck. Naked breasts in a movie have been referred to as “the cheapest special effect”.

Women can do something as mundane as washing their hair and make a room smell nicer. They can break your concentration with a glance. They can wear clothes that will make you drop whatever you’re carrying, or veer your car off the road. Women you’ll never know can reach deep inside you and grab you by the cluster. Especially if you know how soft a woman’s lips are, and how amazing her mouth tastes. Kissing a woman passionately is like fireworks exploding in a man’s brain. They yield with a wanting exhale and melt into your arms, and frankly it’s a miracle that I haven’t excused myself for a few minutes at this point. Something about the commingling of male and female saliva is beyond my ability to describe.

That’s not even mentioning the taste of the other “mouth”, between her thighs. The closest I can get to illustrating it comes from the old rhyme; “sugar and spice and everything nice”. Pussy has powers we don’t even comprehend. Even the mere scent of it causes impulses so intense and overwhelming, men have to learn to control them. Much like nothing feels like a real titty, nothing smells like a vagina. It smells like the onset of delirious seduction. I’ve heard tales of stinky ones, but luckily I’ve been spared that experience.

Many women have voices that are pleasing to hear, and an infectious laugh. They can change the energy of a crowd just by being present. They can make any activity, no matter how boring, excitingly sexual. They can make you see their face when you close your eyes to sleep.

Women typically have cute ears, like dainty bookends framing their faces. Often her ears poke through her hair in a delightfully elfish fashion. If she can stand the weird, uncomfortably close noise, you can put your lips on her ear and nibble it gently. Some women add piercings as aural ornaments; some pierce their bellybuttons. Some even pierce the more intimate regions, which I am of two minds about.

Some women have elegant long necks, that you can press your mouth against and feel the flutter of her pulse. A woman’s face is, in general, more delicate and feminine than a man’s. She can make eye contact with you and cause time to slow down. Women can have eyes so exquisite that you can’t stop looking at them. You can become obsessed with them. You fall in love with them.

Some women are tall enough for you to nestle in their bosom; some are short enough for you to kiss the top of their head, or their eyelids. Some women are petite enough to sweep off their feet and carry; some women are strong enough to do the same to you. Some women put their long hair in a ponytail, which swishes back and forth enticingly when they jog. Some women wear form-fitting yoga pants that cause me to have a cardiac arrest because I’ve just seen the exact dimensions of her bottom, up to and including the crack.

It’s endless, and there are billions of these enchanting creatures kicking about, in a million variations. For a straight guy, being around a group of ebullient females can be an exhilaration of overwhelming intensity. It makes you feel like a real man, even without any physical contact whatsoever.

Pretty gay, huh? I’m sure any gay man could wax poetic for 1,500 words about the fairer sex.

I grew up near New York City, which means I grew up around gay men of the 1970’s and 80’s. Not one of them ever tried anything with me, or showboated their gayness. Beyond the fact that they liked men instead of women, they kept the intimate details to themselves. Just like heteros like myself don’t go on about vaginal intercourse in mixed company. I was taught that this was impolite.

Gay men in the 2020’s make it very clear that they want another man to stick his penis in their asshole, or to stick their penis in his. They base their entire personality around having sex with men. They dress in off-putting, “risque” outfits, and call you a “homophobe” if you have any problem with it.* They make jokes loudly in public places about sucking cocks. They chide and condescend to any man who has no interest in gay issues, or claims to be permanently straight. They think their own personal trials and tribulations in coming out of the closet apply to all men. Every hetero is a potential homo to them.

I’m aware that there are gay men out there that aren’t like this. Since I’ve been told incessantly that “SILENCE = DEATH”, then that silence applies to their taciturn acceptance of the public image created by their far more flamboyant brethren in the LGBT community.* They’re perfectly content to let gay men groom children, or to allow children to undergo “gender affirmation surgery”.* If they’re not going to publicly disavow these abhorrent crimes, then I’m not going to acknowledge their existence here. If “representation” matters so fucking much, then that includes representation of gay men who don’t comport themselves like deviant lunatics*. Because right now, those lunatics are getting all the press.

* Hey- I was off-base about this and I made a sweeping generalization, as is my wont. I apologize in particular to Gays Against Groomers, especially since they take a shitload of heat for speaking out (no points for guessing from whence said heat originates). I allowed my revulsion, which is truthfully caused more by the media than any personal experience, to make my brush far too broad. I do apologize for this (and believe me, I never apologize for anything), and since I made the mistake of judging an entire lifestyle by its most loathsome examples, I leave my original remarks here as evidence. If I was truly a “homophobe”, I wouldn’t have moved to Atlanta twenty years ago. I completely understand if any gay man refuses to forgive me on this matter; I wouldn’t like to be lumped in with rapists and molesters based on my sexual orientation either. I apologize for being insulting and for falsely generalizing. Thank you for your understanding on this matter. Now back to the show.

I’m being as brutally honest as I know how to be here. Gay men, by and large, have gone too far. If you force acceptance on other people, implicitly condemning their own beliefs and ethics, then you should expect that acceptance to be rejected. I come from a generation that was taught to accept all people equally. I tell you emphatically; this acceptance has been abused, and taken advantage of. The idea of tasting another man’s mouth makes me physically sick. Seeing two men being sexual with each other makes me gag, because I don’t desire that in any way, shape or form. Anal sex with a man only makes me think of one thing; prison rape. It’s literally the worst thing that can happen.

I like people who earn my respect. I don’t like people who demand it, while behaving impolitely and obnoxiously, and who try to destroy my life and/or career if I have a problem with it. These don’t have to be gay men; a lot of other types of people fall into this category, even heterosexuals. But a straight person who makes everything about their own sexuality is boring. This goes for gay men as well.

If a comic book or movie character is suddenly made gay by their corporate overlords (or diversity hires), then I no longer have interest in that character. Why? Because from that point on, everything about them is gay, or rather, the writer’s idea of gay. DC and Marvel became so myopically focused on making entertainment for “gay kids”, they completely cold-shouldered all the kids who aren’t gay, i.e. the ones they built their fortunes upon.

Since you’re so sensitive, how do you think that feels? Maybe it’s the same way it feels to find out someone you thought was gay is actually straight? Like a personal betrayal? Like you’ve been lied to?

Because that’s how it feels. If you’re not gay, it feels like you’ve lost all connection with that character. They now have experiences completely different than your own. You can’t relate to them anymore. Before long you outgrow their medium altogether.

But hey, I guess it’s a big W for the gay community, and it makes the parent company look like they give a shit, so it’s all worth it, right?

It’s not actually a hidden agenda to make heterosexuals feel confused and guilty, so they stop procreating, and the population gets smaller and easier to control, right? It’s not a method of breaking up the nuclear family for the same purpose, by making them feel aberrant and out-of-touch, right? Nah, that’s all “conspiracy theory”, and if the last two years have taught us anything, it’s that those theories never become reality.

Right?

You receive acceptance by giving it. If you choose to ridicule me for being heterosexual, as was every single one of my ancestors, than you deserve what you get. I don’t hang out with guys who talk about nothing but banging other guys up the ass. I don’t watch movies or shows about it. I don’t think about it. If that translates as “homophobia” to you, then I assure you, you have a very hard and ugly road ahead of you in life. If I have to temper the nastier aspects of my personality to appear more palatable to women, then guess what. Gay men in our current times need to fucking cool it with the gay stuff.

Remember Joel Schumacher? Amiable bloke, who directed movies like The Incredible Shrinking Woman, The Lost Boys, and Batman & Robin, the latter for which he humbly apologized to the fandom? He was openly gay. How often did he force his gayness on audiences, outside of some muscular statues, the shirtless saxophone guy in Lost Boys, and protruding nipples for Batman’s suit? How many explicitly gay-interest movies did he make?

None. He kept his private life what it should be: private. He understood the danger of “spooking the horses”. Hell, most of us never knew he was gay until his death. That’s not “under-representation”; that’s class. That’s consideration for his audience, by letting his work stand on its own merits, instead of demanding special treatment because he enjoyed cocks. In the 2020’s, these things are alien in the entertainment industry.

Because in the 2020’s, what is the conventional wisdom regarding gay men? They suck dicks, get fucked up the butt, and fuck other gay guys up the butt. These matters are now taught in public schools. If you don’t like or are revulsed by these notions, congratulations. You’re a “homophobe”. I hope you enjoy tweeted death threats and having your ears screamed into, because that’s what you’re going to get, if not worse. Once Vox and Salon get wind of your attitude, you might even have to move to another state.

That’s what’s called an egregious “double standard”. Straight people are prohibited, often by law, to have any problem with any gay man’s lifestyle. That would be a “hate crime”; that nebulous accusation which anyone other than a straight white male can make, regardless of context or grave injury. Gay men have to be represented in all media, even if it’s historically inaccurate or inappropriate for the material.

Admittedly, that is acceptance of a sort. Forced acceptance. What happens when you force people to accept something? How does that typically go, in any aspect of our lives?

How many times has the gay rainbow flag been changed in just the past year? Why would such a thing be necessary, other than to confuse and divide people with codified nonsense that has no real bearing on their own existence?

My opinions here are far from unique; I’ve just wearied of withholding them. You want to get along with people in this world? Then follow the cardinal rule and don’t fuck with their kids. Every father I know would literally murder anyone who tried to fool around with his children. I’ve never been a father to anybody, and even I see red when someone gets fruity with the little ones. And that line hasn’t just been crossed lately; it’s been trampled.

A chain is only as good as its weakest link; so too, a group is only as strong as its weakest member. If you crave acceptance from a large community of people, then you have to do what we all do; keep your sexual proclivities to your god damn self. No one cares, no one wants to hear it, and if they did, it would be because they want to be fucked by you. Okay? It’s not that difficult to understand, gay or straight.

If you made it this far, you might have noticed that I wholly excluded lesbians. This is due to the fact that, by and large, lesbians are more fun to hang out with, have more interesting personalities, and most importantly, don’t bore their straight friends with the details of their sex lives. It probably doesn’t hurt that I find women more exciting and attractive. I’ve also enjoyed lesbian porn in the past; it’s like watching art get it on with art. Plus I prefer penis-free porno. Call me crazy; the sight of a hard dick turns me off. I don’t even glance at my own while jacking off. I’m looking at pictures of nude women.

I hope that you can respect and accept my opinions here, even if they differ from your own.

I’m only being straight with you.