Fool’s Gold

Hey- you’ll never guess where I’ve just been!

I’ve just crossed time and space to attend the 2027 Oscars!

Don’t ask how I accomplished this physically impossible feat. I saw for myself the winners of this totally legitimate, not-at-all politically compromised ceremony. What I’m about to tell you is so accurate you can bet your life savings on it. Seriously, you’ll clean up.

Put everything on Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey to win. Not just the Best Picture Oscar; every category. Elleneliot Page wins the statue for Best Supporting Whatsit (new category), thus validating gender psychosis and costly elective surgery for time immemorial. At long last, the sexual deviance of a disturbed female protomorph is normalized, paving the way for massive profits in the pharmaceutical industry. Millions of little girls will learn to loathe their approaching womanhood, and choose to nullify it with expensive puberty blockers. For the rest of the 21st century, Page will be heralded as an historic champion for the civil rights of mentally damaged people who will do literally anything, up to and including self-harm and suicide, for attention.

I should note that this Oscars ceremony was the most heavily-attended in decades, almost as though the Academy exerted some sort of brute force upon its members, behind the scenes. The Oscars are, after all, a validation rite, proof that the public willingly accepts the most degenerate, perverse, amoral monstrosities, as long as they’re promoted by government-approved corporate media. So, expect to see every one of John Podesta’s old pals all dressed up and grinning for the cameras when Nolan’s Odyssey sweeps the ceremony in 2027. People who can tell you what baby blood tastes like, and who’ve done things to children that would, in a sane world, see them publicly drawn and quartered.

Things that they pay billions of dollars to keep secret. You know, those people. Not just the disgusting actors and actresses, not just the fiendish, predatory producers and directors, but the real parasites; agents and publicists. The ones who play Hollywood like a rigged card game, and live lives more decadent than you and I will ever know or experience. 2027 is when they win it all. It’s their time to shine again. It’ll make the 2020 DNC look like Romper Room.

I know what you’re thinking- what about the most important part of The Odyssey, that being Lupita N’yongo, unquestionably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe (get your eyes checked if you feel otherwise, I’m told), as Helen of Troy? Lupita’s gigantic fanbase will be pleased to know that her brief yet brilliant cameo nets her the coveted Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. The winning formula of a jet-black woman screaming and baring her teeth like a cornered animal scores big again. After all, that was the impetus for the creation of the audio-visual medium; to capture the uvula, tongue and all thirty-two teeth of a screaming black woman. That’s what sells tickets in the 2020’s. So I’m told.

Oh, I can see that some of you are confused that I said “Best Supporting Actor”. Because men and women are no different biologically, and are capable of exactly the same things, the Academy has voided all “Actress” categories. Any organism possessing Caucasoid flesh tones, natural femininity, and/or conspicuous mammary glands is ineligible for the award, and all previous “Best Actress” Oscar winners are forfeit (except of course the dark ones), due to their complicity in White Oppression.

Laugh all you want, this is happening. There’s even a joke in the opening monologue about how Sydney Sweeney, Kat Dennings and Sophie Cunningham are all so gross and ugly that even the Moslem rape-gangs that rule New York and Michigan avoid them like radioactive waste.

Get with the program, people. Ugly is beautiful. Natural is abnormal. Evil is good. This has been the agenda all along, so that some truly nefarious people can get away with literal crimes against humanity. So that the scum of the earth don’t see the end of a rope. This is the only reason why the Oscars, Saturday Night Live, and whatever “late shows” are left, exist. Public relations for embedded child molesters and (non-Islamic) rape enthusiasts.

Do I hear you scoffing at my words? Go right ahead. Reveal yourself as the definitive cause of these conditions. Unless, of course, you didn’t pay to see The Odyssey.

But you did, didn’t you? You fell for the hype and paid to see it in “IMAX”? Even though director Christopher Nolan hates working with IMAX cameras, and is mediocre when using standard ones? Really?

You thought The Dark Knight was that great, huh? Why?

Because it validated your childish idiosyncrasies. Thanks to the public’s romanticizing of Heath Ledger’s lifestyle and early death, a stupid Batman movie was elevated to the status of “cinema”. A stupid Batman movie where a woman with a face like a damp catcher’s mitt is chased by both the richest man in the city and its dapper district attorney.

“Getting the picture” yet?

The only other thing for which the public remembers Heath Ledger is Brokeback Mountain, also known as the Ultimate Heterosexual Blackpill. Speaking as a straight man, when the media insists that a movie is “beautiful” and “brave”, and then you see that it contains a scene where a man spits on his cock before savagely fucking another man up the ass, you become acutely aware that something is rotten in Denmark.

Fun fact: the “receiver” in the above scenario was played by Jake Gyllenhaal, the younger brother of the coveted squishy-faced lady in The Dark Knight. Both of them are the offspring of a film director dad and a screenwriter mom. That’s why the normies lined up to see Brokeback Mountain way back when, and then abruptly stopped talking about it after being exposed to violent anal rape, and being told it was “beautiful”. The goalposts were moved while Hollywood did its usual dog-and-pony show, and the “right people” grew in the limelight. Normies hate to make waves, so they did what they always do; dummy up.

Even though they’ve seen for themselves that the same pool of people appears in or works on about 80% of the hundreds of movies released every year. It’s better to dummy up and find a new topic of conversation than be the “conspiracy theorist” who worked out why Hollywood has sucked shit through a straw since the end of the 20th century.

Sigourney Weaver was cast in both the Avatar movies and the wretched Mandaloogian and Googoo placeholder, not because the movie-going public is clamoring for MOAR SIGOURNEY, but because Weaver is one of the least despoiled legacies of 20th century sci-fi. Unlike Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill, she’s untethered to the intentional attrition of a beloved franchise. Before Moodydingleberry and Googley, the only black mark on Weaver’s record was 1992’s ALIEN³. Even in its theatrical version, that film was more satisfying than anything Star Wars since 2005. Even the godawful Alien: Resurrection is superior, thanks almost solely to Sigourney’s backwards basketball dunk and Dan Hedaya’s magnificently hirsute shoulders. (Second only to actress Kim Flowers’s perfect bottom, which the poor bastard who does IHE on YouTube mistook for Winona Ryder’s when he saw the film as a tadpole. Which I totally get, because I like to imagine all women having that ass, so spectacular a pair of buttocks they are.)

Forgive my digression. I tried to find a screen-grab of Ms. Flowers’s rear end on the internet, but again; we’re talking about an example of natural female splendor. That sort of image isn’t very popular on the world wide web, so you’ll have to skip through ALIEN³ yourself to find it. What can I say, I even tried using Yandex.

It’s no accident that you had to see Nolan’s Odyssey in IMAX; it’s a quasi-legitimate method of jacking up the ticket prices, so the numbers “look strong”. If the film was released into regular old post-COVID movie-houses, no one would bother to go see it. It had to be sold as a SPECTACLE, whether it was one or not. Otherwise, the progressive agendas appropriately Trojan-horsed into Nolan’s film would stand no chance of corrupting America’s youth, and that’s literally all that matters to Hollywood. They don’t even hide it anymore.

Hey, maybe you’re like me, and you knew better than to spend your money on something so obviously designed to provoke you. That’s why I have to remind you of the last time Hollywood pulled this shit (as in the most recent, I’ll be here all day if I try to cover the last ten years). It was just two years ago, as of this writing. The film was called Emilia Perez.

Click that link; it goes to the Wikipedia page for the movie, so you can get an idea of the mental gymnastics and doublespeak utilized to defend something indefensible in every aspect. In the real world, this was the general consensus regarding Emilia Perez:

There isn’t a single person in the cast or crew of Emilia Perez that the average normie could name. In fact, the state of the Academy circa 2022 was so deplorable that most people didn’t care enough to even watch the Oscars. Celebrities and their parasites began to worry that their precious status as elite idols was evaporating, so they conspired to “fix the problem”.

Let me introduce you to the infallible, totally real time machine I used to report on the winners of the 2027 Academy Awards. Frances McDormand was kind enough to unleash it on an unsuspecting world at the 2018 Oscars.

It’s called an “inclusion rider”.

Regardless of setting, source material, or common sense, unless a motion picture features “Black or Brown people” in major roles, the Academy will not nominate it for an Oscar.

Let’s say a major director sought to adapt Dostoyevsky’s “The Brothers Karamazov”. Unless one or more Karamazovs magically turn African-American, the film could be the most brilliant adaptation ever lensed, and it wouldn’t mean shit because properly cast, it would never receive so much as an Oscar nomination, let alone a gold statue.

So in the single-minded effort to validate his high-budget epic (which would be a studio-wrecking flop were it produced with respect to the source material), Christopher Nolan fucked over an entire nation and their ancient culture. He lied to the Greeks, took their money, and then did whatever he was told by The Powers That Be to make his movie “Oscar-worthy”.

Cool, huh? Hey, it’ll all be worth it when Nolan wins “Best Director”, and Ellen Page strides up to the podium like some eldritch approximation of a man, to collect xe/sher/its Oscar and pretend to cry because men don’t cry, and also surgeons used her tear ducts to make fake balls or something. I don’t fucking know, I have a natural heterosexual man’s brain. I don’t reflexively think like a slogan-slurping Californian swine who’d murder a newborn kitten if it meant they could play make-believe with real movie stars, if only for a day.

Never mind that:

• Nolan gets 20% off the top, and is also president of the DGA.
• Nolan’s wife gets 5% off the top, which is why she and Nolan are currently in a heterosexual marriage.
• IMAX is only taking 65% instead of 70% of all ticket sales.
• The studio gets about 10 cents for every dollar from ticket sales.
• For the studio to break even on The Odyssey, the film has to gross a billion dollars.

Oh, and:

• Elliotellen Page was originally cast as Achilles.
• Then it was “Elpenor” (sic).
• Then it was Sinon.

“Sinon” was not in Homer’s Odyssey and is likely unfamiliar to you. I’ll let Wikipedio help you out on this one, they actually say the quiet part out loud for once.

That’s right, Sinon was a fraud. A deceiver. Shakespeare himself referred to Sinon as a symbol of treachery.

You know, like a person who lies and pretends to be something they aren’t, for the reward of gold.

Feel that wetting sensation on your pants leg? It’s totally rain, dude. Natural, normal rain, from clouds in the sky. Definitely not a torrent of piss from my bladder. Even though you can clearly see it emanating from the tip of my male penis organ, I swear to God, it’s rain. From sky clouds.

Honest.