How do you do, fellow humans? Did you have a good Thanksgiving?
I tell you what- let’s pretend that we all did, for a few moments. I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I have a feeling that the vast majority of you out there have had dental surgery that was more enjoyable than Thanksgiving 2021. The conversation was probably more stimulating, too.
Before we begin; I hope for both our sakes that you’re wearing your protective mask while reading this. I can’t actually see you, so I have to implement the “honor system” and presume you’re a “good neighbor” who won’t somehow infect me with mystery germs through the endless tubes of the internet. I know you’re better than that; I can tell by the fancy mask you’re no doubt sporting inside the house you’ve been confined to for the past four months. Even though, as stated, I can’t actually see you.
At the time of this writing, I am forty-eight years old. Earlier on this day, forty-eight years ago, I emerged into this universe at something like eleven pounds.
These are strange, uncertain times in which we find ourselves. I imagine you must be worried sick by now; about getting the virus, about whether there really is a virus, and about whether you’ll ever be permitted to leave your house again without dressing like part of a hazmat crew. Well buddy, I don’t mean to trivialize anyone’s neuroses, but let me tell ya, I need to fuck.
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