Before we begin; I hope for both our sakes that you’re wearing your protective mask while reading this. I can’t actually see you, so I have to implement the “honor system” and presume you’re a “good neighbor” who won’t somehow infect me with mystery germs through the endless tubes of the internet. I know you’re better than that; I can tell by the fancy mask you’re no doubt sporting inside the house you’ve been confined to for the past four months. Even though, as stated, I can’t actually see you.
Oh… you’re not wearing a mask? What are you, some kind of septic monster who wants to kill Grandma? Don’t you understand that there’s a world-ending bug that accelerates the demise of a couple of people every few weeks? Here’s a totally-not-compromised graph that proves you’re an idiot for not cowering in abject terror at the thought of this killer virus that lives forever on surfaces, kills mostly black people because it’s so racist, and totes wasn’t created on purpose in a Chinese lab as a bioweapon. How the fuck do you sleep at night, Herr Hitler?
Wait- did you say you were “attending” a “protest”, so you had justification to forego the mask? That’s different. I wouldn’t want to rustle the jimmies of a BRAVE AND INSPIRING warrior, who burns down businesses and murders anyone dumb enough to question your narrative about which skin color matters more than others. I defer to the celestial intellect with which you have been gifted*, that grants you the indisputable authority to decide who lives and who dies. You are clearly not a dangerous lunatic, and your opinions are well worth shredding the U.S. Constitution like so much confetti.
[*Not by “God”, that’d be stupid.]
You know what my favorite thing about wearing a mask is? I can scream suggestions of violent self-rape at strangers, and since we’re six feet apart, they can’t really hear me. Even if they could, they can’t prove it was me wishing aloud that their mother would perish in a fire while feral brigands sodomized her face. If confronted, I would simply exclaim “I’m sorry, you’re mistaken, you have no proof and GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, SIX FEET APART, SHITBIRD.”
Still, no one would hear me, because you know. The mask. Funny how that works, huh?
Even though it’s not a law, and the dago quack who inflamed the national panic in the first place doesn’t wear a mask, you can be beaten, killed, or fired from your job for going bare-faced. That’s what logic and scientific facts do to normal people; they turn them into rampaging psycho killers. Just put the mask on, what’s the big deal? It’s not like your personal liberty is at stake, or you’re being used as a pawn in some sick elitist game, or anything. Is this really the hill you wanna die on?
Listen to the experts. Some say you must wear a “N95″* mask, some say it could be anything from a doo-rag to your dad’s crusty underpants. Some say there’s no legitimate benefit to the mask, and it actually does more harm than good, but those experts are dumb and they probably like Donald Trump. The ones you want to pay heed are the sniveling mayors and governors who cheer on mob destruction and violence until it reaches the high iron gates of their property. You know, like the people who wear a mask while driving alone in their car. Obviously these are the wise scholars who will spare us all from brutal desolation.
[*Ten bucks says you don’t even know what this means.]
This is 2020, where no gesture is too empty. Embrace the mask, and hide behind it like domestic terrorists hide behind seemingly harmless slogans. Pretend you’re a part of that peaceful religion that I can’t name without possibly losing my livelihood, belongings or life. Blatant hypocrisy is not only celebrated but tres chic, thanks to a generation for whom a screen name is a secret identity, and an ideology is a persona. Grown adults who never read a book without “Harry Potter” on the front are now gonna tell us all what’s what. Obviously they’re the experts, since they spend their trust-fund bucks on a billion-dollar company’s streaming service so that an irrelevant pop star can lecture them about how Black People are all Kings and Queens at birth. You’d have to be pretty fucked up to question a dazzling intellect like that. What are you, racist?
As cutups used to say; “If rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it.” Enjoy the trampling of your civil rights by brainwashed subhumans who’d murder you for kicks without a second thought. Forget about all the loved ones whose surgeries and funerals you’ve had to miss, while America’s ugliest mayor blithely patronizes her favorite barbershop. Ignore the boundless gnawing black hole of alienation you’ve developed at the core of your being from half a year and counting of having your emotions jerked around, alone. Learn to love the dead-eyed corporate whores who lie to you every second of every day and call it “news media”. You hated going to church anyway, right? What difference does it make now that you can’t? The men who fought and died for the freedoms now being stolen from you; they were all a bunch of racist shine-lynching fags, anyway. Get this- they actually believed in “God”. Everyone knows how idiotic that is (unless you call him “Allah”, then it’s hunky dory, pray unmasked in huge groups wherever you like without fear of reprisal or even a stern glance).
Here’s the deal. Like you, I don’t know for certain whether wearing a mask benefits my health or anyone else’s. What I do know for certain, from having functional eyeballs, is that wearing a mask is tops for concealing your identity when you harm people or property. Wearing a mask is great for when you want to kill cops or murder women and children, because you’ll get away with it. You can spin toddlers on your cock or torture retarded persons live on camera while wearing a mask, and authorities will shrug and not care. A mask is your golden ticket to fuck up the world as much as you want.
But here’s the sticky wicket.
Wearing a mask makes you nobody. Your open commitment to subterfuge will ensure that you will be forgotten, no matter how many statues you topple, no matter how many people you hurt, no matter how many buildings you burn. You give the rest of us carte blanc to never care about you. You will go to your grave with nothing, not a single second of your life, not a single deed, having mattered. Your tombstone will bear no inscription, maybe not even your name. Just a block, that someone worse than you will invariably festoon with spray-painted epithets and swastikas, before chucking it through a small business’s front window.
That’ll be your legacy. Nothing. Forgotten, just like CHAZ or CHOP or whatever the fuck was supposed to be the end of society four months ago. Vermin, to be exterminated. Virtually everything we are as humans is expressed in our faces. That is where we instinctively look when interpreting other people. Without that, we’re just dumb apes with pants on.
You want to wear a mask? Fine. Just don’t kid yourself that it’s a sign of virtue. It’s forced submission and control. It’s everything George Orwell warned you about in 1984, a book you’ve never read. It’s too bad that Winston Smith wasn’t called Harry Potter; maybe we’d be in better shape as a country if he were. Maybe if the “Two Minutes Hate” was about Donald Trump and not Emmanuel Goldstein, some of you might catch a hint about how goddamn fucked up you are. You make Squeaky Fromme look like Pippi Longstocking. You kiss prostitutes.
All I can do at this point is hope that you’ll live long enough, so that you can grow old and watch people a fraction of your age claim they know best while they eradicate everything you love and hold dear. That’s the reality I face every day. If you believe I’ve earned that, either through my deeds or opinions, do us both a favor and kill yourself.
Have I finally gone too far? Am I just being horrible?
Commit these words to memory (and feel free to spray-paint them upon whatever block passes for my tombstone):
Horrible culture and horrible times deserve a horrible critic.
When people willfully cross a line, and act as though their personal beliefs justify that crossing, then people like me get to say fucked-up shit about them and their mothers. I save the worst invective for the people who have demonstrated to be the worst. The worthless hypocrites whose insane hatred for Trump has convinced them to embrace criminality and enforce fascism. The hurtful losers who resort to censorship rather than debate any time their rod-up-the-ass ideology is challenged. Whoever goes by rat-fuck Rahm Emanuel’s axiom of “never let a good crisis go to waste”. The casual acceptance of these contemptible ghouls into our everyday lives is why I get to say the kind of horrible things I’ve said here. It’s obligatory. It’s necessary.
Anything less allows them to take another hill. We’re fighting against people who don’t even want to win; they just want to fuck it all up for the rest of us. They want to drag us down to their level. To make us as miserable as they’ve been since birth. They don’t fear death, humiliation, hell, or any sort of God.
If you don’t want to fight them, don’t worry. Before long you won’t even have the option.
Just like it’ll be with the masks, and eventually, the “vaccine”. After all, why resist? They know what’s best for you and your family, right?
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