I never liked Guns ‘N Roses, and this might surprise you, but my reasons are weird. On the surface, I found Axl Rose grating and embarrassingly trashy, although the other band members were really good, and their album Appetite For Destruction was my earliest exposure to the art of Rob’t Williams. But I never could abide a poseur, and in my opinion, Axl Rose has built a career impersonating the lead singer of Scottish hard-rock band Nazareth.
Category Archives: Bad Influences
Atlanta Is My Lady
You wanna know how to tell if a city is your home? When terrible things happen to you there, and it never occurs to you to leave. You don’t abandon your home. You stay and tough it out.
There was a night during my stay in Fulton County Jail where all of us were herded into the rec area, so that the guards could search the ward for contraband. Apparently some inmates had been smoking weed in their cell. Since that cell was mine, and one of the inmates was me, I spent my time in the rec room deep in contemplation. As time wore on no quicker than molasses, we all started to chat to break the tension.
The cement room was sweltering. The walls were nine feet high, rimmed with cyclone fencing. If I jumped vertically, I could catch a glimpse of the glimmering Atlanta skyline I missed so terribly. This was soothing. Some of the inmates I’d befriended took notice, and I eagerly explained myself. It was the first view of the city I’d had in a month.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL
Afghan Whigs
Janeane Garofalo once stated that she got a reduction because she didn’t want to be the girl behind the mic with big boobs. I think my horrific fantasy from panel 3 validates her decision beautifully.
For whatever reason, I am generally alone in my desire to bang Janeane Garofalo. Maybe she seems gloomy and standoffish to other guys. I have many predilections, one of which is the Wednesday Addams type; cute (legal age) girls with hair as black as their hearts, and doom on the brain. It has undone me more times than I care to relate here. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL
Aerosmith
Here’s the thing about Aerosmith. They lost touch with their artsy-fartsy roots.
What exactly do I mean by that? Well, let’s have a gander at the classic Aerosmith logo. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All
Billy Joel
If you grew up in 1970s suburban New Jersey, as I did, you cannot judge Billy Joel or Bruce Springsteen objectively. It is analogous to Alabama’s relationship with Lynyrd Skynyrd. A recording artist encapsulates the zeitgeist of a time and place so perfectly, the music becomes inseparable from that region. You can’t criticize it; it’s too much a part of your identity.
Billy Joel may as well be my uncle. The man has penned tunes that I cannot distinguish from my own personal experiences. People mock and laugh at Billy’s foibles and shortcomings, and it never sinks in. The places and emotions he has brought to life are just too vivid for me. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club
Bouillon Cube Theory
Almost every single aspect of my personality can be explained by one simple fact: when I was a kid I ate a bouillon cube.
I was too young to know better. I had witnessed the flavor sorcery that resulted when my parents would cook with a bouillon cube. Surely, I reasoned, if it made dinner taste that good, then a whole cube of it would be a trip to flavor heaven. I even imagined it might expand into a steak or a burger, like in The Jetsons. So one evening I sneaked into the kitchen, unwrapped a beef cube, popped it in my mouth, and chewed it up. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Eatable Things, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Thousand Listen Club
Big Audio Dynamite
It wasn’t a Clash LP that had a stencil, it was CRASS! CRASS, YOU STUPID CARTOONIST! PUT THE BONG DOWN FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!
One of my old writing partners had a saying: “They can’t all be golden.” I think this particular strip illustrates that axiom nicely. But let’s be frank, you forgot B.A.D. was even a thing until just now.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current
MYM: The Killing of a Chinese Bookie
Movies You Missed: BIUL spotlights great films you probably overlooked. Tonight: The Killing of a Chinese Bookie.
In the mid-1970s, things were as different from now as night and day. The air and the sky seemed clearer, even though they were largely exhaust. The texture of everything was tougher, like cigar ashes and concrete. Getting into an automobile was like stepping into a luxury carriage; sunset and neon glinting on chrome bumpers, silk shirts against hand-tooled leather interiors. Music always evoked the experience of a show-stopping live performance. The worries and tensions of the 21st century were too far off to even surmise. The night sky glimmered with promise and energy.
They used to say, “anything could happen.”
And out of all this strides the late Ben Gazzara, sporting a white leisure suit, king. “I’m great,” he states with absolute certainty. “I got a golden life.” Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee
Hole
The closest you can get to “a good Hole song” is the following. If there exists a female voice that science could prove is subconscious torture to heterosexual men, it would be Courtney Love’s. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions
Bad Religion
This is probably one of the “first batch”, and it’s the first that got me hate mail. The Subhumans fan from the opening panel is M.I.A.; last I heard he may no longer be extant. Unfortunately I think Endora’s Emporium of Savannah is long gone. In the early ’90s, that was a place where I pawned CDs. It took me a few years to move up to actual pawn shops. I’ve pretty much never been comfortable dealing with other people. I think that really comes across in the sparse, robotic text I typically used in the captions of early BIULs like this one. Continue reading
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