Tag Archives: movies

02/08/2017 · 3:16 pm

The Commoditization of Emotional Discovery

Feel like crying?

There’s an entire genre of movies, TV shows and music, explicitly designed to mollify you in your time of emotional distress. Plus, there’s a contrived ending that tells you everything’s okay. Or not. It’s basically sadness porn, after all.

Feel like laughing? Same deal. Entire blocks of television programming are devoted to laughter, loaded with disparate commercials for unhealthy items and services. You can “binge-watch” every stand-up special a comedian has produced, and then argue about a decrease in their edge, on the Internet. Isn’t that fantastic?

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Eatable Things, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Uncategorized, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2010s, comedy, corporate crap, Deadpool, Donald Trump, Francis Ford Coppola, GoBots, Hamilton: The Musical, Internet, Jim Carrey, laughter, Mark Millar, Martin Scorcese, McDonald's, Michael Bay, movies, music, political correctness, pop music, Rob Liefeld, Ryan Reynolds, sellouts, SJWs, smartphones, stand-up comedy, Superman, The Oscars, Transformers, trigger warning, Twitter, whores

02/01/2017 · 12:02 am

Hate Proof: “You’re The Best (Around)”

Believe it or not, I have never seen The Karate Kid.

HI-KEEBA!

I know, right? Hasn’t everybody seen it? Well, sure, except for guys like me, who were totally and prematurely embittered towards the entire experience. Guys who were in sixth grade when The Karate Kid came out.

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Filed under Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Thousand Listen Club

Tagged as 1980s, 1984, 9/11/01, Bill Conti, Blade Runner, Bryan Adams, depression, Donna Summer, Dune, Frank Herbert, Full Metal Jacket, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Joe "Bean" Esposito, Marvel comics, Matthew Modine, movies, Pat Morita, Ralph Macchio, Rod Stewart, Stanley Kubrick, The Karate Kid, Toni Basil, Vangelis, Vincent D'Onofrio

01/27/2017 · 2:30 pm

The Importance Of Being Unhappy

The most corrosive aspect of social media like Facebook is this: unhappiness is treated like a disease.

This image is bullshit. You can’t make other people be anything, unless they let you. Fuck you for projecting, and for making yourself a victim.

As an American, you are not guaranteed happiness- only the pursuit of it. Practically every single person on Earth has differing ideas about what makes them happy. If you appear unhappy to others, their reactions will range from concern to disgust (see above). Your family will either try to “fix” you, reject you, or hand you over to medical personnel.

For some weird reason, you’re “not supposed” to be unhappy.

Let me let you in on a little secret.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Uncategorized

Tagged as Butch Trucks, comedy, depression, despair, Facebook, George Carlin, Howard Stern, Jay Leno, Lars Von Trier, laughter, Madonna, movies, music, Orson Welles, Oscar Wilde, Richard Pryor, sellouts, social media, stand-up comedy, suicide, The Osmonds, Three Stooges

· 12:00 am

3-D’s Nuts

3-D movies employ greatly improved technology today. Previously, they used the same glasses as 3-D comic books did; cardboard with acetate lenses in red and blue.

My personal pair, since 1991’s Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare. (As much as would fit on my scanner.)

3-D comics were unreadable without these glasses. I still have two issues: Gumby 3-D and Transformers in 3-D #3, both from Blackthorne Publishing.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Saturday Movie Matinee

Tagged as 1980s, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1990s, 1991, 3-D, Atari 2600, Back To The Future, Back To The Future II, Brain May, Casey Siemaszko, corporate crap, Dustin Hoffman, Freddy Krueger, Gremlins, hip hop, Hulk Hogan, Mad Max, movies, Nightmare on Elm Street 3, Optimus Prime, Parliament, Steely Dan, The Oscars, Three O'Clock High, Transformers, Tupac Shakur

01/06/2017 · 9:44 am

“All The Snakes Go Crazy”

I have this idea for a movie. It was kind of inspired by Snakes on a Plane, but not in the way you think; my movie would be good. It would be relatively inexpensive to make and gross tons of money. Hear me out.

The idea is: one day, all the snakes go crazy. Continue reading →

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Movies You Missed, Saturday Movie Matinee

Tagged as comedy, Klezmer, laughter, movies, Q*bert, Samuel L. Jackson, Saturday Night Live, snakes, Snakes on a Plane, Tracy Morgan

12/29/2016 · 1:55 pm

Ah Leia Akbar

Carrie Fisher, the beloved actress who played the role of Princess Leia Organa in Star Wars, is no longer alive. You’re welcome for the update, recently-awakened coma victim.

There is literally nothing I can say about this. Literally; even praise will be feted as heresy. Legendary comedian Steve Martin, who knew Fisher, dared to tweet that she was beautiful when he met her, and of course the virtue-signalers can’t have that.

This is a gift from the man who made The Jerk and wrote Picasso at the Lapin Agile, you philistines.

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Filed under Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee

Tagged as 1970s, 1977, 1980, 1980s, 1983, 1986, 1987, Carrie Fisher, CGI, corporate crap, Debbie Reynolds, despair, Disney, Donnie Iris, Harrison Ford, Heavy Metal, movies, Return of the Jedi, sellouts, Spaceballs, Star Wars, Steve Martin, The Blues Brothers, The Empire Strikes Back, The Fifth Element, The Jerk, The Transformers: The Movie, Tom Hanks

12/22/2016 · 3:26 pm

Unfairly Maligned: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

For your benefit, I will begin this article with a warning: 18 seconds of this movie consist of Shia LeBeouf swinging from vines with CGI monkeys. I know 18 seconds doesn’t seem like a long time, but apparently it’s an eternity for some people. It all depends on your perspective, or lack thereof.

The sequence is so brief, it was hard to screencap.

In 2008, Harrison Ford returned to the screen as globe-trotting archaeologist Henry “Indiana” Jones, Junior after a 19-year absence. I myself have been (to be kind) fanatical about Indy since Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981, so before I saw Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I knew several things.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Unfairly Maligned

Tagged as 1957, 1980s, 1981, 1984, 1989, 2008, Cate Blanchett, Denholm Elliott, Elvis Presley, George Lucas, Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Jim Broadbent, John's Arm: Armageddon, Karen Allen, movies, Mystery Science Theater 3000, New Jersey, Ray Winstone, Shia LeBeouf, South Park, Star Wars, Steven Spielberg, The Empire Strikes Back

12/02/2016 · 1:17 pm

Shitting Monsters

From BIUL #2.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2015, Bands I Useta Like, comedy, comix, corporate crap, despair, Hanna-Barbera, Internet, Jeff Foxworthy, movies, music, political correctness, Saturday morning cartoons, Saturday Supercade, sellouts, shitting monsters, smartphones, television, Trend Monster, trolls, virtue-signaling

11/25/2016 · 2:18 pm

Disappointment: Childhood’s Elegy

From BIUL III.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1984, 1989, 2010s, 2015, 2016, Anarchy Comics, Bands I Useta Like, Ben Affleck, comix, corporate crap, Disney, Ghostbusters, Jay Kinney, Margot Robbie, movies, Optimus Prime, Pixar, Robert Downey Jr., sellouts, Star Wars, toys, Transformers, vintage toys, whores, Zoe Saldana

11/13/2016 · 12:20 am

Gridbug Chasers

In the 1982 science-fiction fantasy TRON, there comes a moment inside the computer world where the protagonists are imperiled by “gridbugs”.

Clearly a threat.

The danger is underlined by dialogue spoken by Cindy Morgan, as the shapely input/output program Yori:

“This isn’t going to be easy. If those gridbugs get us, we’ve had it.”

The gridbugs in question get a ten-second interlude, complete with a unique and rather corny soundtrack cue, and then go on to never affect anything or even be mentioned in passing again. Continue reading →

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Filed under Animation Analysis, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Saturday Movie Matinee, Unfairly Maligned, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1978, 1982, Brad Dourif, Breakfast At Tiffany's, Cindy Morgan, corporate crap, Disney, Flannery O'Connor, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, John Huston, Michael Bay, Ministry, movies, Shia LaBeouf, Superman, Transformers, Tron, Wise Blood

Tag Archives: movies

The Commoditization of Emotional Discovery

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Hate Proof: “You’re The Best (Around)”

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3-D’s Nuts

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“All The Snakes Go Crazy”

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Ah Leia Akbar

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Unfairly Maligned: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

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Shitting Monsters

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Disappointment: Childhood’s Elegy

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Gridbug Chasers

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