Category Archives: Worst Of All

02/08/2017 · 3:16 pm

The Commoditization of Emotional Discovery

Feel like crying?

There’s an entire genre of movies, TV shows and music, explicitly designed to mollify you in your time of emotional distress. Plus, there’s a contrived ending that tells you everything’s okay. Or not. It’s basically sadness porn, after all.

Feel like laughing? Same deal. Entire blocks of television programming are devoted to laughter, loaded with disparate commercials for unhealthy items and services. You can “binge-watch” every stand-up special a comedian has produced, and then argue about a decrease in their edge, on the Internet. Isn’t that fantastic?

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Eatable Things, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Uncategorized, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2010s, comedy, corporate crap, Deadpool, Donald Trump, Francis Ford Coppola, GoBots, Hamilton: The Musical, Internet, Jim Carrey, laughter, Mark Millar, Martin Scorcese, McDonald's, Michael Bay, movies, music, political correctness, pop music, Rob Liefeld, Ryan Reynolds, sellouts, SJWs, smartphones, stand-up comedy, Superman, The Oscars, Transformers, trigger warning, Twitter, whores

02/06/2017 · 8:40 pm

A Snowball’s Chance In Hell

I strive to be fair in my work, I really do. Except for when I don’t, and I’m not.

Meaning, there’s a handful of musical acts for which I have no love. All I have for them is contempt, which I lamely try to carve into humor. It’s best that I come clean about it, to put an end to wondering why I don’t mention some bands at all. Ever.

I don’t want to know how many times it’s been tattooed. I assume a lot.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1975, 1990s, 1995, Blind Idiot God, breasts, Clockwork Orange, David Letterman, Divine, Eddie Vedder, Frank Zappa, Godsmack, Hollywood, John Waters, Lady Gaga, Laura Nyro, Meat Loaf, metal, Mike the Pod, Nell Campbell, New Jersey, nu-metal, Pearl Jam, Queen, Richard O'Brien, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Slayer, Susan Sarandon, System of a Down, The Daily Show, Tron, Walter Carlos, Wendy Carlos

02/05/2017 · 1:47 pm

They Shoot Presidents, Don’t They?

Although I predicted that Donald Trump would become the 45th president of the United States, I did not vote for him. If I had, I’d be seeking help from a medical professional.

Despite being based in a hypothetical (admittedly coarse) quote, this is a terrific cover. Note the careful handling (pun intentional) of the depicted act; the woman is smiling and the finger is uncovered.

Not because I’m insane, you asshole. Because I’d be paranoid that a significant percentage of Americans want me to die in agony. And I don’t need that shit. I didn’t struggle to become who I am so that some high-school dropout could make me a statistic in a bullshit battle of “who’s the fascist”. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Uncategorized, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2006, 2016 election, 2017, Charles Addams, Charlie Hebdo, despair, Donald Trump, Doonesbury, Dr. Seuss, Gary Larson, George W. Bush, Germany, Ireland, JFK, Madonna, Mallard Fillmore, memes, political cartoons, political correctness, Ronald Reagan, Social Justice Warriors, The Far Side, The New Yorker

01/23/2017 · 12:02 am

Nothing That Hovers Is Good

A mere two years back, the new and hip way to get around was on a hoverboard. The word was first popularized in 1989, in the time-travel comedy Back To The Future II. Coincidentally, the segments of the film that took place in 2015 featured a “hoverboard” (from Mattel).

I dunno, the kids’ outfits are fairly accurate.

Rumors persisted for decades that Mattel actually produced a real hoverboard, for use on-screen, but parents’ groups kept it off the shelves. The truth is that the technology as depicted does not exist and never has, unless it’s among Tesla’s experiments. The fated hoverboard of 2015 was actually a board with wheels. It did not hover. Or work very well.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1989, 1990s, 2010s, 2015, Artie Lange, Back To The Future II, drones, helicopter parents, hoverboard, hovercraft, Jackie Chan, Mattel, Michael J. Fox, Mike Bocchelli, Nick DiPaolo, political correctness, whores

01/18/2017 · 12:05 am

Tales From Salted Earth

Gather ’round, children. Don’t you wonder why we live in the cold and poisoned world that we do? Looking back, around a decade ago, everything got too salty.

We used to come home from work and watch TV, enjoying longtime creature comforts. Television shows were devoted to entertaining us, with characters we could identify with. That’s how it was in the 1990s.

The troubles began with Friends.

Future historians will note this couch as the Beginning Of The End.

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1990s, 1995, 2009, Internet, Jay Leno, Johnny Carson, Kate Gosselin, O.J. Simpson, Oprah Winfrey, radio, Seinfeld, sellouts, television, The Big Bang Theory, The Discovery Channel, The Learning Channel, The Simpsons, whores

01/09/2017 · 12:36 pm

Dead Milkmen

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1980s, 1988, 1990s, 1992, 2004, 2010, Cyndi Lauper, Dead Milkmen, Disney, Eddie Van Halen, Frank Zappa, George Michael, Jeff Goldblum, Kurt Cobain, Madonna, Radiohead, Robert Smith, The Cure

01/03/2017 · 3:11 pm

Moonlighting

Oh, you say there’s an ’80s revival on the way again? Are you ready for some chills of the douche variety?

Many things on television in the 1980s were, in hindsight, cringe-inducingly awful. Indefensible, from any logical standpoint. Cast into the dustbin of time by fading stars trying to build a better legacy. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1942, 1980s, 1985, 1989, Al Jarreau, Alicia Witt, Allyce Beasley, Bowfinger, Bruce Willis, Chester Gould, Chicago Tribune, Curtis Armstrong, Cybill Shepherd, Dick Tracy, Die Hard, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Jay Maeder, Moonlighting, Nikki Cox, Revenge of the Nerds, Steve Martin

12/25/2016 · 2:08 am

Matty’s White-Knuckle, Sober Christmas

Like many adult Americans, I prefer to be intoxicated on Christmas day. Some call this addiction. I call it self-medicating for the benefit of others.

Purple = sober and confused.

I’m not a role model, or a regular person. I’m alone on Christmas because I’m belligerent and undiplomatic by nature. I lack the ability to mask contempt or disdain. Just days ago, I told three separate strangers to go kill themselves. I make jokes and draw comics to keep from screaming death threats at people.

Oh, and if at all possible, I try to stay high, all the time. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Uncategorized, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2016, alcohol, Bad Santa, Christmas, Coke, comedy, depression, despair, hamsters, laughter, Laurel & Hardy, marijuana, suicide

12/16/2016 · 6:15 pm

Let’s Play Victim!

It’s the popular classic game that anyone can play (ages 10 and up)!

Product and player colors may vary.

You’ve been given a job to do, and you can’t do it! Gather the family ’round, and roll the dice. Time to pick a VICTIM card! Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2010s, board games, despair, games, political correctness, sellouts, SJWs, suicide, whores

12/11/2016 · 2:54 pm

Uncle Owen’s Cabin

Deep cleansing breaths.

Some people are fans of something because the person that created it paid them attention.

I’m kind of curt about the fact that I don’t take suggestions from the audience. I don’t mean to be rude, but here’s the issue. If I take a suggestion, I am now beholden to the one who made it.

Not only that, I’ll have set a precedent, wherein that person will peruse my work in perpetuity, hoping for another use of the suggestion. It’s a kind of writer/audience codependency, and it’s unhealthy for either party.

It’s common practice in digital culture. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2010s, Beastie Boys, behind the scenes, computers, corporate crap, despair, fan artists, Internet, J.J. Abrams, Star Wars, Transformers, whores

Category Archives: Worst Of All

The Commoditization of Emotional Discovery

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A Snowball’s Chance In Hell

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Nothing That Hovers Is Good

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Tales From Salted Earth

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Dead Milkmen

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Let’s Play Victim!

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