Category Archives: Don’t Know Don’t Care

Reborted

Moviegoers today act like naked Kate Winslet in Titanic, coyly demanding Leonardo DiCaprio to draw her like a French girl. A preternatural relationship has been forged between audience and studio. A production falls all over itself to seduce a fandom, because that’s where the blindly loyal dollars are. If a popular intellectual property is even slightly altered for a motion picture adaptation, it’s headline news, even above mass murder and election-year chicanery.

Eventually, this film will be remade, and this scene will feature different actors, pretty much just to fuck with you.

Eventually, this film will be remade, and this scene will feature different actors, pretty much just to fuck with you.

The movie industry has become such an intellectual wasteland that the 80s era of numerical sequel-mania looks dignified by comparison. Honest promotion and word-of-mouth don’t work anymore; attention span is dead. The only way to really sell a remake is to get people steamed. Take the things viewers loved about an original film, and subvert them. Serves the suckers right anyway, for falling in love with a fictional universe. The names P.T. Barnum and J.J. Abrams aren’t similar for nothing. Continue reading →

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Worst Of All

Tool

BIUL_Tool

Check it out, I wrote my very own Tool song:

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals

Women Don’t Whistle

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In my experience, I can’t recall ever hearing a woman whistle. In fact, I think women hate whistling.

Whistling is used by men because it’s the only sound we can make that can be heard over distance, or loud noise. Before my voice changed back in grade school, I could imitate the coach’s whistle so well, I could call all the kids back to the gym. Women’s voices never deepen to the point where they can’t shriek, so there’s no need for whistling. Continue reading →

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Worst Of All

Hearts Are Trump

Gonzo journalism is a style of journalism that is written without claims of objectivity, often including the reporter as part of the story via a first-person narrative. The word “gonzo” is believed to have been first used in 1970 to describe an article by Hunter S. Thompson, who later popularized the style.

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So last weekend I was about a hundred feet from Donald Trump.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

I Never Liked You: INXS

Within my vast and dubious knowledge of music, there are holes. Some are tiny, like my ignorance of sex droid Taylor Swift. Others are much larger; one is the relative size of six Australians. I have never cared for INXS.

Nearly indistinguishable from Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam.

Nearly indistinguishable from Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam.

The closest I got was “The One Thing”, which saw heavy rotation on MTV in the early 1980s. The band benefited from a visual similarity to other groups, like U2, UB40 and the B-52s, and this sameness ensured my future confusion. I just never found INXS that memorable. Continue reading →

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All

Hate Proof: Vengaboys’ “We Like To Party”

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Imagine yourself sprawled on a nameless battlefield, exhausted, gasping your final breaths into the mud. The air is thick with the scorched smell of spent artillery and the moans of the dying. How long before help arrives? Is it even coming? All you hear is the distant whistle of a locomotive, as it slowly approaches with detached menace.

toot toooooooooot

They’re coming to round up the survivors, you think as you squint into the hazy distance. The end is near. Best hope that it’s merciful when it comes. Surely this must be the onset of madness, brought on by impending extinction. The stench of carnage gives way to the comforting scent of… cheese pizza? Ice cream sundaes? Funnel cake? Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All

Freedy Johnston

Freedy Johnston is a New York-based singer/songwriter who was born in Kansas. His lyrics are articulate and literary, and of a quality not heard since the days of Gordon Lightfoot and Laura Nyro. He has been called “a songwriter’s songwriter”, and his work has been featured in movie soundtracks, most notably Kingpin(1996).

Sweet merciful mother of god, his songs are sad.

Not pictured: Freedy Johnston.

Not pictured: Freedy Johnston.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee

Michelle Shocked

Michelle Shocked is an American alternative folk singer/songwriter from Dallas, Texas. Her 1988 debut album, Short Sharp Shocked, featured a cover photo taken by Chris Hardy, for the San Francisco Examiner in 1984. Shocked had been protesting during the Democratic National Convention.

Mercury Records issue

Mercury Records issue

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All

About “Star Wars”

THE POLITE VERSION

I am officially breaking from the Star Wars franchise, in all regards. Being that I am maintaining a fantasy fiction franchise of my own, Ceaseless Fables of Beyonding, I cannot continue to absorb the intellectual properties of other creators, for fear of possibly regurgitating them. Respectfully, I will not be seeing any upcoming Star Wars films, and will in fact be avoiding them for this reason. I wish the cast and crew, present and future, well. I’m sure the new episodes will be heralded as everything the fans have always wished for, and will gross billions of dollars. Please in turn respect my decision to distance myself from this franchise. Thank you for your understanding. “May the Force be with you.”

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Unfairly Maligned

Fatboy Slim

BIUL_FatboySlim


“Praise You”, which is now stuck in my goddamn head too, features a sample from the theme from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, so adjust your prejudices accordingly.

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Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care