Category Archives: Don’t Know Don’t Care

09/17/2016 · 3:09 pm

The Power Of Michelles

Not to put too fine a point on it, but in my experiences, girls named Michelle tend to be extra powerful.

As a dude, I’m not meant to understand it too deeply. I don’t know if spelling it with one “l” or two makes a difference. What I do know, is that if you value your soul, you do not mess around with girls named Michelle.

It would be impolite of me to get personal on this matter, so allow me to utilize a public example, and a shining one: Michelle Jenneke.

Michelle “Shelly” Jenneke is an Australian hurdler and model, who won a silver medal for the 100m hurdles at the 2010 Summer Youth Olympics. She won the 100m hurdles at the 2016 Australian Athletics Championships to qualify for the Rio Olympic Games. She received worldwide media attention in 2012 for her pre-race warm-up dance.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Uncategorized

Tagged as 1990s, 1999, 2012, 2016, athletes, Bruce McCulloch, Dan Hedaya, Dick (1999 movie), Harry Shearer, Kirsten Dunst, Michelle Jenneke, Michelle Williams, movies, music, Olympics, The Beatles, viral video, Will Ferrell, women

09/15/2016 · 5:50 pm

Digital Diaspora

diaspora: a scattered population with a common origin in a smaller geographic locale. Diaspora can also refer to the movement of the population from its original homeland.

There’s a chance, being that you are using the Internet, that you are experiencing an intangible emptiness, a desire to fulfill a need you didn’t know you had.

You are far from alone. This is normal.

Spoiler: they hatefuck.

Many of us used the Internet around the year 2000 because it supplied things we couldn’t find elsewhere. Easy and plentiful pornography, hurtful humor, forums and blogs brimming with lolcows; all the schadenfreude one could stand.

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Site Stuff, Uncategorized

Tagged as 2010s, ALF, Brett Easton Ellis, Captain OG Readmore, corporate crap, despair, Die Hard, ennui, Ghostbusters, Internet, movies, old internet, sellouts, smartphones, smoking, television, Transformers, whores

09/10/2016 · 3:25 pm

Career Immolation: A User’s Guide

They say there is no such thing as bad publicity. Of course there is, when the public asks;

“Whatever happened to that guy?”

And then the public remembers, “Oh yeah. That happened.”

(l-r:) Glenn Humplik and Tom Green, with one of Canada's accursed "milk bags". Hopefully I won't be legally pressured to remove this photo. — (l-r:) *Glenn Humplik and Tom Green, with one of Canada’s accursed “milk bags”. Hopefully I won’t be legally pressured to remove this photo.*

In the late 1990s, MTV gave Canadian public access personality Tom Green his own show. It was a raucous, prank-filled half-hour wherein Green literally abused and humiliated every single person he encountered, while affecting an oblivious, addled mien. It was for the most part very funny.

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Filed under Animation Analysis, Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1980s, 1990s, 4chan, Andy Kaufman, Anthony Cumia, Artie Lange, Austin Powers, Billy Joel, Billy West, Canada, comedy, corporate crap, Drew Barrymore, Freddy Got Fingered, Howard Stern, Jackie Martling, Jay Roach, laughter, metal, Mike Myers, movies, New Jersey, NYC, prank calls, radio, Richard Christy, Robin Quivers, Ron Howard, Saturday Night Live, sellouts, Shrek, Sirius XM, So I Married An Axe Murderer, The Jerk, Tom Green, trolls, Whitest Kids U Know, whores

09/08/2016 · 11:49 am

Hate Proof: Midi Maxi & Efti’s “Bad Bad Boys”

You used to hear a lot about refugees on the news. Typically, refugees are not assimilated to the host culture, which allows politicians with agendas to exploit them. There is literally no one to defend or look out for them. They have taken refuge from their country of origin, often because of a dictatorship or carpet-bombing.

The reason of exodus is irrelevant. Media spotlights refugees because of their skin color.

Midi, Maxi & Efti was a Swedish pop group.

Just goddamn SCREAMING HOT.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club

Tagged as 1990, 1990s, 1992, Adriana Lima, Army of Lovers, dance music, E-Type, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Midi Maxi & Efti, music, refugees, Stakka Bo, Sweden, women

09/02/2016 · 11:11 am

Imaginary Black Friend

Don’t be the only kid on your block without one! It’s the hottest thing on Facebook!

From BIUL III.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack

Tagged as 2016, Bands I Useta Like, black people, comix, corporate crap, political correctness, underground, white people, whores

08/24/2016 · 12:45 pm

The Man Who Cries

If you’re a man, the easiest way to get a woman to leave you is to cry in front of her.

Note that Orbison SANG about crying, rather than actually crying. He’s smiling in the photo because that’s what you do when you’re proud of your work.

It doesn’t matter if she says she won’t. All women do. This is the unspoken heterosexual law: men will do anything to hold on to one woman, but women know deep down that they can trade up whenever the mood strikes. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Tagged as crying, Paula Cole, Roy Orbison, Social Justice Warriors, women

08/17/2016 · 2:11 pm

Priviligious

I’m going to start off by asking nicely. Please, stop talking about “white privilege”.

Now I’m going to be more honest and brusque. SHUT UP ABOUT “WHITE PRIVILEGE”.

Why? Because you’re no arbiter of human privilege. You don’t know shit about other people, and you’re judging them by race.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Tagged as corporate crap, Gerald Scarfe, Pink Floyd, political correctness, Social Justice Warriors, social media, The Wall

08/15/2016 · 12:54 pm

Your Emotions (Make You A Monster)

How can you tell when someone doesn’t belong on the Internet?

They get emotional.

There is no place for emotions on the Internet. Emotions are a weakness here. They’re reduced to “emoticons”; literal badges that display the current weakness of the user. This makes it easy to spot people who struggle with manic depression, bipolarity, or hypochondria.

The Autabyss.

Whether you noticed it or not, true anonymity has been eradicated from social media. You cannot post anonymously. Remember when you could? Of course you do- it was less than ten fucking years ago.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Thousand Listen Club, Uncategorized

Tagged as 2010s, corporate crap, Dead Kennedys, emoticons, Facebook, Gamergate, Internet, Jack Chick, Jaws, Jello Biafra, old internet, political correctness, punk, satire, Social Justice Warriors, social media, The Onion, Tron

08/14/2016 · 4:50 pm

Fear Of Darkness, Boat Of Love

Recently my editor at Stomp & Stammer asked me how much of BIUL is embellished, and how much is actually true.

Believe it or not, it’s almost entirely truthful. I condense and streamline experiences for space constraints, and add a punchline here and there, but it’s all based in truth. In fact, there are anecdotes that I haven’t used, because I figure that readers will doubt their veracity.

For example, how I conquered my childhood fear of the dark with the help of The Love Boat.