Category Archives: Bad Influences

01/20/2017 · 6:10 pm

21st Century Hatfields and McCoys

The first brand feud I can remember is Atari vs. Intellivision.

Note Major League Baseball endorsement. And misspelling of product name in quote. Superior, my Aunt Fanny.

Some kids had an Atari 2600 game console; some kids had an Intellivision. (Some kids had an Odyssey 2 or a Vectrex, but not for very long.) Atari kids hated Intellivision kids, and vice versa. The TV commercials for both brands stoked this hatred; George Plimpton appeared in an ad for Intellivision, which he explained meant “Intelligent Television”. Ergo, kids who played Atari were stupid. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish

Tagged as 1980s, 1984, 2017, advertising, Atari 2600, corporate crap, George Plympton, Great Videogame Crash of 1983, Halo, Intellivision, LAN parties, Macintosh, Mattel, Mattel electronic football, Microsoft, Nintendo, Odyssey 2, online gaming, Pac-Man, PlayStation, Sega Genesis, sports, Super Mario Bros., television, Vectrex, Xbox

01/13/2017 · 3:07 pm

Experience vs. Evidence

In the next ten years, the entire experience of seeing a concert will have changed. Forever.

These things and infants are everywhere, and you complain about guns?

Hunter S. Thompson claimed that no Doors recording existed that captured the grandeur of Jim Morrison and company on stage. I believe this, although I never bore witness to the spectacle myself. Regardless, the only real evidence will always be the albums the Doors released. Thompson’s historic experience either died with him, or ended up on the wall behind his office chair. This is, needless to say, unfortunate. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions

Tagged as 1990s, Bands I Useta Like, Bruce Bickford, comix, Dead Kennedys, Detroit, Dick Tracy, Evan Dorkin, Frank Zappa, Hunter S. Thompson, Iggy Pop, Jim Morrison, Kyle Baker, laughter, Lloyd Dangle, MC5, Motorbooty, New Jersey, Paranormal Activity, smartphones, Sting, strips, The Doors, The Police, VHS, Warren Beatty

01/11/2017 · 1:47 pm

The Joke Shop

Somehow, in 1987, I convinced my father to drive me to a joke shop in Paterson, New Jersey.

In the back, there’s a kiddie pool. JOKES, PEOPLE! JOKES!

The name of the place escapes me; it was unremarkable, something like “[X] Joke & Novelty”. Three years later, hunting for liquor and without proper ID, my friends and I were chased away from this very same area by a man swinging a chain over his head. Alongside Newark and Camden, Paterson is one of Jersey’s finest hellholes.

So getting my dad to drive me out there for gag items was quite the coup. I wanted a realistic fake faucet that could be attached to the forehead. I got much, much more. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions

Tagged as 1980s, 1987, Billy Crystal, Camden, Christopher Guest, comedy, Epic Illustrated, Harry Shearer, Heavy Metal, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, laughter, Martin Short, Men In Black, New Jersey, New York, Newark, novelties, Paterson, Pennsylvania, Ridgewood, Saturday Night Live, Take The Money And Run, Vincent D'Onofrio, Woody Allen

01/09/2017 · 12:36 pm

Dead Milkmen

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1980s, 1988, 1990s, 1992, 2004, 2010, Cyndi Lauper, Dead Milkmen, Disney, Eddie Van Halen, Frank Zappa, George Michael, Jeff Goldblum, Kurt Cobain, Madonna, Radiohead, Robert Smith, The Cure

01/03/2017 · 3:11 pm

Moonlighting

Oh, you say there’s an ’80s revival on the way again? Are you ready for some chills of the douche variety?

Many things on television in the 1980s were, in hindsight, cringe-inducingly awful. Indefensible, from any logical standpoint. Cast into the dustbin of time by fading stars trying to build a better legacy. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All

Tagged as 1942, 1980s, 1985, 1989, Al Jarreau, Alicia Witt, Allyce Beasley, Bowfinger, Bruce Willis, Chester Gould, Chicago Tribune, Curtis Armstrong, Cybill Shepherd, Dick Tracy, Die Hard, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Jay Maeder, Moonlighting, Nikki Cox, Revenge of the Nerds, Steve Martin

12/26/2016 · 7:16 pm

Before It Was Choked On

From BIUL III.

Look, choking sucks. I don’t have to point that out, do I? And truthfully, most toys have small parts these days, and there’s a warning about them on the package. But those clickers are long gone. They blocked a toddler’s airway better than a spoonful of shellac.

Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Eatable Things, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Saturday Movie Matinee

Tagged as 1980s, 1984, 1985, 1990s, 2016, Bands I Useta Like, Captain Power, corporate crap, Dr. Fad, Lazer Tag, Megatron, New Jersey, Photon, toys, Transformers, Voltron

12/25/2016 · 2:08 am

Matty’s White-Knuckle, Sober Christmas

Like many adult Americans, I prefer to be intoxicated on Christmas day. Some call this addiction. I call it self-medicating for the benefit of others.

Purple = sober and confused.

I’m not a role model, or a regular person. I’m alone on Christmas because I’m belligerent and undiplomatic by nature. I lack the ability to mask contempt or disdain. Just days ago, I told three separate strangers to go kill themselves. I make jokes and draw comics to keep from screaming death threats at people.

Oh, and if at all possible, I try to stay high, all the time. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Uncategorized, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2016, alcohol, Bad Santa, Christmas, Coke, comedy, depression, despair, hamsters, laughter, Laurel & Hardy, marijuana, suicide

12/22/2016 · 3:26 pm

Unfairly Maligned: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

For your benefit, I will begin this article with a warning: 18 seconds of this movie consist of Shia LeBeouf swinging from vines with CGI monkeys. I know 18 seconds doesn’t seem like a long time, but apparently it’s an eternity for some people. It all depends on your perspective, or lack thereof.

The sequence is so brief, it was hard to screencap.

In 2008, Harrison Ford returned to the screen as globe-trotting archaeologist Henry “Indiana” Jones, Junior after a 19-year absence. I myself have been (to be kind) fanatical about Indy since Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981, so before I saw Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I knew several things.

Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Unfairly Maligned

Tagged as 1957, 1980s, 1981, 1984, 1989, 2008, Cate Blanchett, Denholm Elliott, Elvis Presley, George Lucas, Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Jim Broadbent, John's Arm: Armageddon, Karen Allen, movies, Mystery Science Theater 3000, New Jersey, Ray Winstone, Shia LeBeouf, South Park, Star Wars, Steven Spielberg, The Empire Strikes Back

12/18/2016 · 2:16 pm

Ze Brain On Ze Table

In case you’re a neophyte to this website and its redundant obsessions, 2009 saw the release of the hysterically divisive toy movie Revenge of the Fallen. To be kind, I reference this beloved turkey a lot. So often, in fact, that I’ve tried in recent months to avoid referencing it, to keep from wearing it out.

So much for that.

I bring it up almost as frequently as I do my time in jail. It even showed on the giant TV in stir- and the other inmates had seen it so many times they were sick of it. It was like hanging out with a hundred friends in a warehouse, bickering over what to watch. Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Robot Toy Fetish, Thousand Listen Club

Tagged as 1993, 2009, 2016, Bands I Useta Like, Candyman, corporate crap, Dr. Strangelove, Drop Dead, Germany, Hogan's Heroes, Megan Fox, Megatron, Optimus Prime, Peter Sellers, political correctness, Shia LeBeouf, SJWs, Star Trek, Transformers

12/16/2016 · 6:15 pm

Let’s Play Victim!

It’s the popular classic game that anyone can play (ages 10 and up)!

Product and player colors may vary.

You’ve been given a job to do, and you can’t do it! Gather the family ’round, and roll the dice. Time to pick a VICTIM card! Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Worst Of All

Tagged as 2010s, board games, despair, games, political correctness, sellouts, SJWs, suicide, whores

Category Archives: Bad Influences

21st Century Hatfields and McCoys

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Experience vs. Evidence

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The Joke Shop

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Dead Milkmen

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Moonlighting

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Before It Was Choked On

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Matty’s White-Knuckle, Sober Christmas

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Unfairly Maligned: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

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Ze Brain On Ze Table

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Let’s Play Victim!

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