Q: What can hurt you on the Internet?
A: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It’s impossible. You cannot read or see something on the Internet and become injured. You can only allow yourself to be manipulated.
So don’t.
Tag Archives: 2010s
Declaration of Intellectual Immunity
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Worst Of All
Insecurities Fraud
Pre-Internet, not knowing the meaning of a word was a pretty serious problem.
Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.
Someone who disliked you could put you on the spot, in front of a group, by quizzing you on the meaning of a word.
“Come on, everyone knows what that word means. Don’t you?”
“If you know so much, then what’s it mean?”
“Oh no, I’m not telling. You first.”
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
Dear Bubble People
Wanna make sure I never watch your movie or show?
Title it “Dear White People”.
Scrub away guilt!
I won’t touch it. I don’t respond well to condescension. I could contract full-blown AIDS, “Dear White People” could have the cure, and I’d die happily, blissfully ignorant, broth bowl in hand, tumbling to the linoleum with a smile.
Any white person who would willfully watch something titled “Dear White People” is fearful of people who aren’t white. Period.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
The Commoditization of Emotional Discovery
Feel like crying?
There’s an entire genre of movies, TV shows and music, explicitly designed to mollify you in your time of emotional distress. Plus, there’s a contrived ending that tells you everything’s okay. Or not. It’s basically sadness porn, after all.
Feel like laughing? Same deal. Entire blocks of television programming are devoted to laughter, loaded with disparate commercials for unhealthy items and services. You can “binge-watch” every stand-up special a comedian has produced, and then argue about a decrease in their edge, on the Internet. Isn’t that fantastic?
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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Eatable Things, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Uncategorized, Worst Of All
Nothing That Hovers Is Good
A mere two years back, the new and hip way to get around was on a hoverboard. The word was first popularized in 1989, in the time-travel comedy Back To The Future II. Coincidentally, the segments of the film that took place in 2015 featured a “hoverboard” (from Mattel).
I dunno, the kids’ outfits are fairly accurate.
Rumors persisted for decades that Mattel actually produced a real hoverboard, for use on-screen, but parents’ groups kept it off the shelves. The truth is that the technology as depicted does not exist and never has, unless it’s among Tesla’s experiments. The fated hoverboard of 2015 was actually a board with wheels. It did not hover. Or work very well.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Worst Of All
Let’s Play Victim!
It’s the popular classic game that anyone can play (ages 10 and up)!
Product and player colors may vary.
You’ve been given a job to do, and you can’t do it! Gather the family ’round, and roll the dice. Time to pick a VICTIM card! Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Worst Of All
Uncle Owen’s Cabin
Deep cleansing breaths.
Some people are fans of something because the person that created it paid them attention.
I’m kind of curt about the fact that I don’t take suggestions from the audience. I don’t mean to be rude, but here’s the issue. If I take a suggestion, I am now beholden to the one who made it.
Not only that, I’ll have set a precedent, wherein that person will peruse my work in perpetuity, hoping for another use of the suggestion. It’s a kind of writer/audience codependency, and it’s unhealthy for either party.
It’s common practice in digital culture. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
Disappointment: Childhood’s Elegy
From BIUL III.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Worst Of All
Oh, Brother
Let me be clear about something, so there is no misunderstanding amongst the finger-pointers.
I love women.
[file photo]
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Uncategorized
Obsessions of the Old Gravedigger
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions
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