No reboot of Mortal Kombat has come close to the cultural coup-de-grace of the original series from the 1990s. It doesn’t matter how many new “Fatalities” there are, or how much blood, or how realistic the fighters look. There’s still a crucial ingredient missing.
The techno.
If these words are screaming in your head right now, you know what I’m talking about.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All
Q: What can hurt you on the Internet?
A: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It’s impossible. You cannot read or see something on the Internet and become injured. You can only allow yourself to be manipulated.
So don’t.
Comments Off on Declaration of Intellectual Immunity
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Worst Of All
I vaguely promised you, that if I continued to rage upon what J.J. Abrams and Disney have done to the Star Wars saga, I would at least try to make it funny. Well, voilà, space jerks.
I’m making a funny game of it.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
If it were up to me, this entire website would be nothing but pictures of womens’ tits. Oh, except in the sidebar, there’d be a link to all the reviews I’ve written about Transformers toys. If it were up to me.
Wait a second… it is up to me. It’s my site. So why don’t I?
Good question. I could probably make a tidy income doing it. So why not?
Comments Off on Forever Insufferable
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Robot Toy Fetish, Worst Of All
Can I let you in on a little secret?
Nobody actually likes 2 Live Crew. They stank. They were the kind of fraud that today, would be secretly sponsored by George “Fuck Everything Good” Soros. 2 Live Crew was just garbage.
I don’t know what a “puxxy” is, but I bet if you popped one, it would make a bad smell.
It was humiliating to stock, sell or even see 2 Live Crew albums in the record store. As soon as a customer brought one to the counter, you knew there would be a problem. The customer was always under 18, and thus forbidden to purchase the music; no one older than 18 cared about it. If they enjoyed rap, they had already moved on to something actually good.
Comments Off on I Never Liked You: 2 Live Crew
Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
Pre-Internet, not knowing the meaning of a word was a pretty serious problem.
Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.
Someone who disliked you could put you on the spot, in front of a group, by quizzing you on the meaning of a word.
“Come on, everyone knows what that word means. Don’t you?”
“If you know so much, then what’s it mean?”
“Oh no, I’m not telling. You first.”
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
From BIUL III.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Magazine Rack, Worst Of All
From BIUL III.
Comments Off on The Legend of Dickie Goodman
Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All
From 1992 to 1995, I worked in the music store on the upper level of the Savannah Mall. Disc Jockey was the other music store, on the lower level and the opposite end. Our respective locations affected our clientele; we were next to the upscale department store, and they were next to the parking lot.
Of course there was a rivalry.
Despite what you might think, it was friendly. We all ate in the same food court, and used the same deposit chute. If a customer stumped our staff, we’d begrudgingly call downstairs and ask their staff. Sometimes one store knew something the other didn’t. Upcoming trends in music, promotions, closings, and firings within the busy mall.
Comments Off on The Loudness War
Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All
Last year, all I wanted to do was crack jokes about Hillary Clinton’s ever-smug face. Her daughter Chelsea, too. Throw in that awful Debbie Wasserman Shultz, and you’ve got a trifecta of ghoulish visages I was literally salivating to goof on. Caricature unflatteringly, at the least.
And I didn’t.
I didn’t make fun of the women at the Trump rally, either. I couldn’t; they were all attractive, and could possibly have shamed me as a man.
While the entire media industry decided to make fun of Donald Trump’s face, like a bus full of second-graders, I didn’t stoop to their level. And oh, they had a field day. They’re still doodling him as an anus, or a Cheeto. I’ve seen that illustration of Trump as a shit-spattered baby so many times I could forge it from memory.
Comments Off on The Face of Kellyanne
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
BIG BOOK OF COMICS (SIGNED)
Original price was: $15.00.$10.00Current price is: $10.00.
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