Category Archives: Movies You Missed

My First Necronomicon

By the age of ten, I had somehow managed to view both Alien and The Shining. These formed the blueprint of what I understood of the “horror” genre, which I’ve loved ever since. I often bought issues of Fangoria and GoreZone in junior high, because I was intrigued by the pictures’ ability to sicken me, and amazed that magazines existed in stores that were nothing more than full-color gross-out photos. The work of technical-effects masters like Rick Baker, Tom Savini and Kevin Yagher was lovingly displayed like bloody Playboy centerfolds.

The good old days.

The good old days, when Corey Feldman was naught but Jason’s killer.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions

Bad News, Worse Timing

“Great minds think alike.”

That and coincidence are the reasons why in 1984, This Is Spinal Tap had a counterpart from the UK, Bad News.

The runner-up in the pants-stuffing joke competition of 1983.

The runner-up in the pants-stuffing joke competition of 1980s mockumentaries.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All

What Bay Got Right

(This article originally appeared in a less edited form on Mike The Pod, 7/11/11. Please note that since then, there has been a fourth Transformers, which grossed over a billion dollars, and there’s a fifth on the way in 2017. There is a schedule of yearly releases stretching a decade into the future, the same as Marvel, and Disney’s Star Wars.)

SPOILERS covers all three movies in the Michael Bay Transformers trilogy (until it becomes a quadrilogy, or quintology, which I wouldn’t complain about).

If this article becomes too insular for you, dear reader, may I heartily recommend you to tfwiki.com. Mostly because I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to link every whatsit on this page. If you’re a repeat visitor that doesn’t like it when I go off about robots, this is going to make you hate my guts. Continue reading

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Saturday Movie Matinee, Unfairly Maligned

Guiltiest Pleasure: Natural Born Killers

In 1994, a severely truncated version of Oliver Stone’s Natural Born Killers was released to theaters nationwide, after a long and brutal production. It grossed about half its budget on opening weekend, and broke even in 2007. It was based on a story written by Quentin Tarantino, who was currently ablaze in Tinseltown thanks to Pulp Fiction. It starred former sitcom bartender Woody Harrelson, and Geoffrey Lewis’ daughter Juliette (the nymph in Scorcese’s Cape Fear remake), as mass-murdering marrieds Mickey and Mallory Knox.

nbk2

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Filed under Bad Influences, Girls of BIUL, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Thousand Listen Club, Unfairly Maligned

The Thankless Life

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A harsh truth of reality: not every movie gets a sequel, and this isn’t a bad thing. Only one thing grants a movie a sequel; money.

Money and passion are often confused by consumers. They feel the same, in many ways, and they produce similar results. But for creative people, money and passion are completely different creatures. The latter is fuel, and the former is a means to an end. You can possess a passion; money, you can only hold. Continue reading

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Late To The Party, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee

Movies You Missed: Dredd

Suspension of disbelief is when you silence the internal critics of your mind, and make concessions in order to increase your enjoyment of something, typically movies. For instance;

  1. Transformers movies have groan-inducing songs stuck into them, to deflate tension.
  2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and Return of the Jedi have dodgy special effects for some reason, that’ll pull you out of the movie if you let them.
  3. In The Empire Strikes Back, Han Solo and Princess Leia are more or less in the vacuum of space, inside a giant slug, equipped with little more than snorkels.
  4. In even the grittiest, most violent color films of the 60s and 70s, blood looks like red tempera paint. Even Death Wish.
  5. Sylvester Stallone had to reveal his whole face in Judge Dredd (1995), even though the “real” Judge Dredd never has. The movie wouldn’t have seen the light of day otherwise. (It shouldn’t have.)

For the 2012 version of Dredd, I didn’t have to suspend my disbelief. At all.

It was the home run of that year, and for some weird reason, everyone missed it.

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Look how mad he is!!

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Filed under Late To The Party, Movies You Missed, Saturday Movie Matinee

Pleasant Surprises

thrills2In the second issue of Bands I Useta Like, I drew a retrospective entitled “Thrills”, wherein I delineated the major moments of excitement from a lifetime of moviegoing. Thrills come in varying qualities and intensities, from “cheap” to “absolute”. A milder one, that is no less desirable, is the “pleasant surprise“.

One of the first pleasant surprises I took notice of was during the documentary Citizen Shane, from 2004. It tells the true story of Shane Ballard, a rotund, porn-loving oddball who ran for sheriff of his hometown of Lowndes County, Mississippi at 22. Ballard was a talented audiophile whose mother was murdered under mysterious circumstances when he was a baby. Not long after the documentary’s release, Shane Ballard and director Ron Tibbett would also be deceased, under mysterious circumstances. Subcin, the site where I saw the film, is not currently active. Continue reading

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Filed under Faint Signals, Late To The Party, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee

Freedy Johnston

Freedy Johnston is a New York-based singer/songwriter who was born in Kansas. His lyrics are articulate and literary, and of a quality not heard since the days of Gordon Lightfoot and Laura Nyro. He has been called “a songwriter’s songwriter”, and his work has been featured in movie soundtracks, most notably Kingpin(1996).

Sweet merciful mother of god, his songs are sad.

Not pictured: Freedy Johnston.

Not pictured: Freedy Johnston.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee

Æon Flux: The Herodotus File

From 1991 to 1995, the animated femme fatale Æon Flux appeared on MTV (of all places), at first in shorts that appeared on the variety program Liquid Television. She was created by Korean animator Peter Chung, storyboard artist for Transformers: The Movie (1986), and veteran of cartoon shows like Rugrats and Ring Raiders.

Rob Liefeld learned everything he knows about female anatomy from this single image.

Rob Liefeld learned everything he knows about female anatomy from this single image.

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Filed under Animation Analysis, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee

Animation Analysis: The Iron Giant

If you’re reading this on Christmas afternoon because your family is driving you nuts, and you have the technology, I suggest that you legally download The Iron Giant, from 1999. Gather everyone around, and watch it with them. It will make your holidays extra wonderful.

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