The third issue of BANDS I USETA LIKE MAGAZINE is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE.
Unlike the first two issues, this one is 100% NEW MATERIAL.
For example: Continue reading
Category Archives: Site Stuff
BIUL III: Turd Time’s The Charm
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A Pirate Looks At 44
I meant to use that title four years ago, when I turned 40. Then today, when I turned 44, I figured that using the title unchanged would confuse Jimmy Buffett searches. Buffett’s song, “A Pirate Looks At 40”, is one I have not heard before, but I’ve read the lyrics, and I understand it’s one of Buffett’s better tunes. So I replaced “40” with “44”, to set it apart.
Originally, I planned to use “butt pirate”, but there’s really only one definition to that phrase, and it’s not one that describes me. It would have made a funny title, but it also would have netted me a lot of attention, mostly unwanted. From pirates of butts, I’m guessing. They’d email me pictures of their hooks and peglegs, with the message “YARRRRR!!! I BE PLUNDERIN’ BOOTY!!!” Right? I’m not caught up on my pirate culture. Continue reading
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Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Site Stuff, Uncategorized
The 200th Post
Next month marks the second anniversary of the BANDS I USETA LIKE website, and here we are; the 200th post. I’m sure you couldn’t care less, but you helped make this possible, and in the 13 years I ran Mike The Pod online, I maybe cracked a hundred actual articles.
So let’s mark the occasion with a peek at the cover of BANDS I USETA LIKE III, yes?
That’s the magazine that will complete your summer, heading your way around the time you start buying fireworks in bulk. So buy this too. It would be a crime if you didn’t.
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Bands I Useta Like II: Banned From School
To All Students:
It has come to this administration’s attention that there is now a second 32-page issue of “Bands I Useta Like” magazine. You may recall the trouble that resulted on campus after the first pile of this filth appeared. We do not want a repeat of that incident. Ergo;
“Bands I Useta Like” magazine is hereby banned from the campus. All copies found will be confiscated and destroyed. Continue reading
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Big Ban On Campus
It’s September, folks, and you know what that means! Fall weather, leaves changing color, ringing school bells, and a new issue of BANDS I USETA LIKE.
Available everywhere this fall
It’s the perfect item to get you kicked out of class this semester! Forget about technicolored hair, tribal piercings, and half-exposed genitalia. When your teacher or professor sees this in your hands, they’ll know you’re a true subversive– the type of weirdo that always grows up smarter than everyone else. You don’t just take the trends and paradigms that life hands you- you subvert them, and expose their hidden hypocrisies for all to see. Your contempt for the lowest common denominator is already deep in amber. You’re the reason there used to be not only MAD, but CRAZY, SICK, PLOP, and even a little rag called TRUMP. They kept young minds like yours from becoming good little automatons.
I got your back. Print is forever. How do I know? Because I have piles of it, going back two hundred years. People and computers die. Books do not.
Get ready. Class begins again this fall.
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Trigger Warning
The signs were there all along. It doesn’t take a genius to see what this means. It was only a matter of time. The evidence just kept mounting, until finally, the pressure was too much. Something had to give. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Site Stuff
Spring Break Is Special!
This is it, folks; the magazine I’ve been teasing you with is finally here. And the best part? It’s ONLY $5! This incredible inaugural issue of BANDS I USETA LIKE MAGAZINE contains new stuff (like the Crumb comic and an extended preview of the “Jail” Comic), Cannabis Creeps trading cards, and Comics With Commentary- classic strips with added footnotes (like an explanation of the Van Halen strip)! It’s perfect for the best Spring Break EVER!
Don’t wait to get a copy off me in person- that is a real pain in the ass. Order NOW, and help support BIUL! Share the link with friends who love satire magazines and comix! Buy ’em in bulk, because just like Spring Break, they won’t be around for long!
Check the cover image below for more info, and to place an order. You won’t regret it!
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Where We Differ
If there’s one thing I’m certain of, more so than I am that the earth is round, it’s that you and I are different. I don’t know you personally, but I’d bet my bottom dollar we wouldn’t click. I know this from a life of experience. That, and every single person I encounter informs me of thus.
You might think I have a problem with being “different”. I don’t. You do. Out of some deluded sense of camaraderie you felt from one of my comics, you thought I was “like you”. Then, when you realized you were wrong, you attacked me. You all do this. On the internet, on Facebook, to my face. I’ve dealt with this shuck-and-jive routine my entire life. I’m not what you want me to be, so you decide you’re gonna give Big Bad Matty Boy a piece of your mind. Because I’m apparently your little toon-scribbling monkey. Time to bring me down a peg.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Nostalgic Obsessions, Site Stuff
Joewalshmas (December 26)
Joewalshmas is a Poddist tradition, whereupon we cast the lawn chair into the swimming pool, and celebrate all the ways Life has been Good to us So Far. May Joewalshmas bring the Good Life to you and yours for another year.
Twas The Night Of Joewalshmas
Twas the night of Joewalshmas, and we were rockin’ the joint,
with bitches and chicken and Matty on point.
The lightweights were knackered, passed out in their beds
in hopes a drunk Wampus wouldn’t pee on their heads.
With Ma in her leathers, and me in my suit,
we were poppin’ and lockin’ to some old Uncle Luke…
When from up on the roof there arose such a clatter
that I put on my pants, grabbed my gat and my ladder…
With my spliff in my mouth, I climbed up to see
the most funkiest shit since I quit PCP!
Not a Nick, not a Saint, not a jolly fat bitch,
not a yellow-eyed crack fiend with a terminal itch,
Now man this shit’s real and Pimps do not lie,
It was fuckin’ Joe Walsh with a gleam in his eye.
And what to my wondering eyes did appear
but a red Maserati full of groupies and beer.
And Joe, he just smiled, and tossed me a Schlitz,
and said, “Life’s been good to me, man, let’s get on with this shit.”
We dropped down the chim, much to Matty’s surprise,
with a sack full of goodies for the ladies and guys.
There was whiskey and absinthe and K.B. for all,
and adrenaline for Wampus who was slumped on the wall.
Joe brought liquor and dildos and a shitload of cheer,
and the joint was retarded but then Wamp got The Fear…
But Joe Walsh don’t abide his friends feelin’ sick
so he strapped on his guitar and tested a lick…
And it didn’t take much until Wampus was fine,
just the very beginning of “Funk 49”.
And before we all knew it, it was time to go,
but none of us wanted to say bye to Joe…
So all slobbering drunken we begged him to stay
but the Number One Eagle just smiled and said, “Hey…
“There’s no call for sadness, now Wampus, don’t cry,
You know I’m an ordinary, average guy…
“I like big tits, and I like me some beer,
but I really love spreading this Joewalshmas Cheer…
“And if all of the people across this sad earth
would just stop their fighting and enjoy Walshmas mirth…
“Then maybe an end to all war and despair
could just be replaced with hot licks and great hair.”
Then he laughed and he said, “But seriously, folks,
stop killing each other and learn a few jokes.”
Then, fixing his glasses and ruffling his hair,
he winked and then vanished right into thin air!
But then that dope Maserati flew right past my collar,
and a groupie fell out but I still heard Joe holler:
“Have a beer and a smile and treat everyone right!
Good Joewalshmas to all and to all a Good Night!”
And this Pimp, though he’s hard, felt something… a trace
sorta like in the movie when they murder Scarface,
And my chest it did swell with that Joewalshmas cheer…
…Anybody who says I cried is a lyin’ bitch.
HAPPY JOEWALSHMAS, EVERYONE!
–Dread Pirate Iceberg Slim
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