Artistic success isn’t measured in money; it’s measured in eyeballs. As in, how many land on your artwork.
Part of it’s luck, part is talent, and part is timing. Not just the timing of your output, but that of your birth, and the period in which you exist. The quality of stimuli available during your receptive phase. For example, growing up reading comic books drawn by gifted inkers, like Jack Kirby and Neal Adams. Continue reading
Comments Off on Jailbreak
Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club
Don’t be the only kid on your block without one! It’s the hottest thing on Facebook!
From BIUL III.
Comments Off on Imaginary Black Friend
Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack
If you’re a man, the easiest way to get a woman to leave you is to cry in front of her.
Note that Orbison SANG about crying, rather than actually crying. He’s smiling in the photo because that’s what you do when you’re proud of your work.
It doesn’t matter if she says she won’t. All women do. This is the unspoken heterosexual law: men will do anything to hold on to one woman, but women know deep down that they can trade up whenever the mood strikes. Continue reading
Comments Off on The Man Who Cries
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
In the latter half of the 1980s, just about every teenage guy wanted to be Michael J. Fox.
Kari Michaelson AND Nancy McKeon- ROWR!
He had indomitable charisma. He had charm. He even made voice-cracking kind of cool. He was likable yuppie Alex P. Keaton on NBC’s sitcom Family Ties, and spastic teen time-traveler Marty McFly in the Back To The Future trilogy of movies.
Then in 1991, after Brian DePalma’s Casualties Of War, Michael J. Fox was diagnosed with young-onset Parkinson’s Disease. Continue reading
Comments Off on A Wronging Endorsement
Filed under Bad Influences, Eatable Things, Faint Signals, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All
I’m going to start off by asking nicely. Please, stop talking about “white privilege”.
Now I’m going to be more honest and brusque. SHUT UP ABOUT “WHITE PRIVILEGE”.
Why? Because you’re no arbiter of human privilege. You don’t know shit about other people, and you’re judging them by race.
Comments Off on Priviligious
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
How can you tell when someone doesn’t belong on the Internet?
They get emotional.
There is no place for emotions on the Internet. Emotions are a weakness here. They’re reduced to “emoticons”; literal badges that display the current weakness of the user. This makes it easy to spot people who struggle with manic depression, bipolarity, or hypochondria.
The Autabyss.
Whether you noticed it or not, true anonymity has been eradicated from social media. You cannot post anonymously. Remember when you could? Of course you do- it was less than ten fucking years ago.
Comments Off on Your Emotions (Make You A Monster)
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Thousand Listen Club, Uncategorized
Recently my editor at Stomp & Stammer asked me how much of BIUL is embellished, and how much is actually true.
Believe it or not, it’s almost entirely truthful. I condense and streamline experiences for space constraints, and add a punchline here and there, but it’s all based in truth. In fact, there are anecdotes that I haven’t used, because I figure that readers will doubt their veracity.
For example, how I conquered my childhood fear of the dark with the help of The Love Boat.
Comments Off on Fear Of Darkness, Boat Of Love
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions
Every cartoonist has a cabinet full of failures. It’s part of the job. A maxim I live by is one an old writing partner told me:
They can’t all be golden.
That says “Headcheese”, in the “Cheese” font. I was being pedantic, not meta.
Comments Off on The Worst Comic Strip Ever
Filed under Animation Analysis, Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Worst Of All
I was banned from Facebook for 24 hours. I guess I shared a .gif of bouncing boobies with my friend, on a private page. I don’t know or care, to be honest.
Go ahead, pull up Zuckerberg’s terms of service. Point out the exact fine print where it says titties are bad for social media. Tell me I’m on someone else’s digital property. Then print those terms out, roll them up, and shove them up your mother’s pussy. Sideways. Continue reading
Comments Off on The Final Time-Out
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Site Stuff, Worst Of All
If you’re still reminiscing about a high school field trip almost 30 years after your permission slip was signed, it was probably a pretty sweet field trip.
My Sociology class got to go to Rahway State Prison, circa 1989. It was so awesome, I went again the next year, when I wasn’t even in the proper class.
I’m still surprised whenever I see this actor walking.
In the late 1990s, the grittiest show on cable television was Oz; HBO’s first one-hour drama. Continue reading
Comments Off on Rahway The Easy Way
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Nostalgic Obsessions, Uncategorized
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