zombies | Bands I Useta Like

Let’s say you’ve decided to become a “Goth”. These are some things you can expect:

No friends, aside from other Goths.
No attention, aside from that of other Goths.
No respect from anyone, aside from other Goths.

Goths have made a full-time commitment to a bad mood. It’s like a lifestyle built entirely around PMS. If a Goth is older than 25, you’re looking at severely damaged goods. Elvira is literally the only person who can pull the look off successfully.

Damaged goods she is not.

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O’Shloktoberfest is an autumn exploration of that rarest of substances: Decent Schlock. Each October I’ll wade through the sludge of 21st century horror so you don’t have to.

I think I should start this off with an open acknowledgment; Milla Jovovich is a great sport. Her obvious good looks aside, she has that Ukranian pluck that makes it tough to dislike her. She seems to be constantly in motion, typically crashing through walls and windows. I wouldn’t call myself a huge fan, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate that Milla Jovovich is out there blasting the dogshit out of something or other, usually while looking terrific if not kinda stoned.

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