Don’t be the only kid on your block without one! It’s the hottest thing on Facebook!
From BIUL III.
Tag Archives: whores
Imaginary Black Friend
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack
A Wronging Endorsement
In the latter half of the 1980s, just about every teenage guy wanted to be Michael J. Fox.
Kari Michaelson AND Nancy McKeon- ROWR!
He had indomitable charisma. He had charm. He even made voice-cracking kind of cool. He was likable yuppie Alex P. Keaton on NBC’s sitcom Family Ties, and spastic teen time-traveler Marty McFly in the Back To The Future trilogy of movies.
Then in 1991, after Brian DePalma’s Casualties Of War, Michael J. Fox was diagnosed with young-onset Parkinson’s Disease. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Eatable Things, Faint Signals, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All
The Final Time-Out
I was banned from Facebook for 24 hours. I guess I shared a .gif of bouncing boobies with my friend, on a private page. I don’t know or care, to be honest.
Go ahead, pull up Zuckerberg’s terms of service. Point out the exact fine print where it says titties are bad for social media. Tell me I’m on someone else’s digital property. Then print those terms out, roll them up, and shove them up your mother’s pussy. Sideways. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Site Stuff, Worst Of All
Weezer
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All
Helping Millennials Understand The Simpsons
The world is tough on young people, especially when there are forces trying to control them, often by coddling them. Every awkward feeling teenagers have is commoditized and acknowledged, no matter how insignificant. Their bad moods are notated with special emoticons. Their hormonal bullshit is all validated as worthy expression.
This gag’s humor outlived the technology that inspired it.
Coincidentally, almost everything sucks.
I make an effort to be unprejudiced about millennials, I really do. I refuse to become the stereotype of the old man screaming at the kids to get off his proverbial lawn. But you have to understand the frustration. 20 years ago, I had to argue with people my age who claimed Quentin Tarantino was God. Now I’m dealing with the children of those people. Continue reading
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Filed under Animation Analysis, Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Unfairly Maligned
A Fart In The Face
Earlier this year I crossed a boundary with the dog.
This is a different dog.
I’d eaten some godawful fried thing or another, and feeling a buildup of gas, I leaped over to the dog, crouched directly above his face, and knocked a king-size fart across his nose.
Triumphant, I turned to face the dog, expecting adoration for this generous gastric flotilla. Instead, the dog regarded me with a reproachful look, the kind I expect people receive when they jiggle their comatose grandmother’s breast for a family photo.
“What’s the matter?” I asked the dog in plain English, as though he would reply in kind. “Don’t you, a dog, enjoy the smell of shit?” Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
Reborted
Moviegoers today act like naked Kate Winslet in Titanic, coyly demanding Leonardo DiCaprio to draw her like a French girl. A preternatural relationship has been forged between audience and studio. A production falls all over itself to seduce a fandom, because that’s where the blindly loyal dollars are. If a popular intellectual property is even slightly altered for a motion picture adaptation, it’s headline news, even above mass murder and election-year chicanery.
Eventually, this film will be remade, and this scene will feature different actors, pretty much just to fuck with you.
The movie industry has become such an intellectual wasteland that the 80s era of numerical sequel-mania looks dignified by comparison. Honest promotion and word-of-mouth don’t work anymore; attention span is dead. The only way to really sell a remake is to get people steamed. Take the things viewers loved about an original film, and subvert them. Serves the suckers right anyway, for falling in love with a fictional universe. The names P.T. Barnum and J.J. Abrams aren’t similar for nothing. Continue reading
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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Worst Of All
Hearts Are Trump
Gonzo journalism is a style of journalism that is written without claims of objectivity, often including the reporter as part of the story via a first-person narrative. The word “gonzo” is believed to have been first used in 1970 to describe an article by Hunter S. Thompson, who later popularized the style.
So last weekend I was about a hundred feet from Donald Trump.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
A Can’t-Miss Proposition
2009 was a tense year for BIUL; I was still decompressing post-movie production, and dealing with myriad life-changing bullshit. At some point I drew a comic strip about Living Colour.
No idea who the woman with the awful hair is supposed to be.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals
Here’s Your Problem
It’s 2016, and I can tell you’re not ready. The last twelve months really added wear and tear. You’ll have to do more than make resolutions you won’t keep, if you’re gonna roll through another year. I’m here to help, though. I’ve taken a good look under your hood, and I think I see the issue. It’s not a problem yet per se, but it could seriously affect your performance in the coming days.
Let me break it down for you.
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Filed under Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Saturday Movie Matinee, Uncategorized, Worst Of All
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