{"id":3696,"date":"2017-10-07T19:33:48","date_gmt":"2017-10-07T23:33:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/?p=3696"},"modified":"2017-10-07T19:38:08","modified_gmt":"2017-10-07T23:38:08","slug":"the-orphanage-at-dreary-knolls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/the-orphanage-at-dreary-knolls\/","title":{"rendered":"The Orphanage at Dreary Knolls"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ralph Reese<\/a> is a brilliant illustrator whose art I first discovered in\u00a0Choose Your Own Adventure\u00a0<\/em>books; he was my personal favorite. His work leapt off the page more than the others, owing to his apprenticeship under the great Wally Wood. In my teens, I found reprints of Ralph’s collaboration with Byron Preiss for\u00a0National Lampoon,\u00a0<\/em>“One Year Affair”. I dreamed of being able to draw like Ralph Reese.<\/p>\n

When Ralph did a feature in\u00a0CRAZY\u00a0<\/em>magazine, it was a cause for celebration. Because Ralph wasn’t just a master illustrator.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Ralph was also a master of\u00a0making you crap your pants.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

This is an illustrated poem directed at children who are thinking of running away from home. In 1982, when this appeared in\u00a0CRAZY,\u00a0<\/em>runaway kids were a common thing. There were ads on TV with toll-free numbers, depicting a terrified teen recounting abuse on a pay phone. Joan Jett’s old band was called The Runaways. There were songs about it, long before Soul Asylum’s “Runaway Train”.<\/p>\n

At ten years old, I was forever disabused of even the notion\u00a0<\/em>of running away, after reading\u00a0“The Orphanage at Dreary Knolls”. It freaked me out so much I showed it to my dad, and he took it away for a short time.<\/p>\n

\"\"
\nI’m getting the best scans that I can here, but the blackboard in panel one reads “Petty Larceny 201\/Mr. Fagin”. Look at the crew in panel three. The short stubby kid on the right is eating worms! Like, totally chowing down!<\/p>\n

Dark stuff, huh? Just you wait, kiddies!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I learned what “emetic” meant because of this story. “Writhes”, too. Well, actually, that might’ve come from “Acid Queen” by The Who. Reese does all the writing and lettering, by the way.<\/p>\n

For the final page, Ralph moves to top the childhood terrors of Gorey’s\u00a0Gashlycrumb Tinies.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This page kept me up a night or two. Despite this, it had minimal effects on my homework, if any.<\/p>\n

Pretty scary though, eh kids? Suddenly running away doesn’t seem like such a sweet deal, huh?\u00a0Huh?<\/em><\/p>\n

(Below is the back cover of this particular issue of\u00a0CRAZY<\/em>, written by Steve Skeates and drawn by Marie Severin. Looking back, this may have been why my dad took it away.)<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ralph Reese is a brilliant illustrator whose art I first discovered in\u00a0Choose Your Own Adventure\u00a0books; he was my personal favorite. His work leapt off the page more than the others, owing to his apprenticeship under the great Wally Wood. In … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2,3,6,9,10,74],"tags":[266,105,795,2819,2558,31,822,2140,2820,825,161,226,2818,2821,830,1947,1680],"class_list":["post-3696","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bad-influences","category-classic-comix","category-faint-signals","category-magazine-rack","category-nostalgic-obsessions","category-oshloktoberfest","tag-1970s","tag-1980s","tag-795","tag-byron-preiss","tag-choose-your-own-adventure","tag-comix","tag-crazy-magazine","tag-edward-gorey","tag-joan-jett","tag-marie-severin","tag-national-lampoon","tag-new-jersey","tag-ralph-reese","tag-soul-asylum","tag-steve-skeates","tag-the-who","tag-wally-wood"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p53HmY-XC","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2383,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/i-forgot-altergott\/","url_meta":{"origin":3696,"position":0},"title":"I Forgot Altergott","author":"MattyBoy","date":"08\/23\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Mea culpa. You know what? In all my apple polishing of cartoonists I admire, I've never mentioned Rick Altergott. What the\u00a0fuck. I even saw Altergott in person, at a MOCCA Festival years ago. I didn't approach him, because his abilities as a cartoonist scare the bejeezus out of me. He's\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Comix Classic & Current"","block_context":{"text":"Comix Classic & Current","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/classic-comix\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"doofus3","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/doofus3.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3785,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/how-to-profit-from-the-coming-nuclear-holocaust\/","url_meta":{"origin":3696,"position":1},"title":"How To Profit From The Coming Nuclear Holocaust","author":"MattyBoy","date":"01\/08\/2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Ever since I was a kid, I've been obsessed with mushroom clouds. Something about their unbridled destructive power, and their strange, haunting beauty. Also; the possibility that you could draw a\u00a0really good one.\u00a0It looked super-cool, and\u00a0everyone at school knew what it was. In 1981, you got your nuke-related yuks from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Bad Influences"","block_context":{"text":"Bad Influences","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/bad-influences\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/indy_mushroomcloud.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":318,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/oh-the-guilt\/","url_meta":{"origin":3696,"position":2},"title":"Oh, The Guilt","author":"MattyBoy","date":"01\/09\/2015","format":false,"excerpt":"It's 2015, the year of the second Back To The Future. That movie got a few things right, but I'd say the most accurate predictions appeared much earlier, in George Orwell's 1984. That's a book, something dullards use to prop up tables or batter their spouses. You see, if the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Comix Classic & Current"","block_context":{"text":"Comix Classic & Current","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/classic-comix\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"OhTheGuilt","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/OhTheGuilt.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/OhTheGuilt.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/OhTheGuilt.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1058,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/i-go-crazy\/","url_meta":{"origin":3696,"position":3},"title":"I Go CRAZY","author":"MattyBoy","date":"12\/09\/2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The venerable satire magazine\u00a0MAD has had countless imitators during its lifespan.\u00a0CRACKED, one of the strongest, went from a gag periodical to an online site in 2007, and is now devoted to politically correct clickbait in numbered list form. But the best MAD rip-off came and went in a scant ten\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Bad Influences"","block_context":{"text":"Bad Influences","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/bad-influences\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"IT WAS THE SHIT.","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/crazy1.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2458,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/my-back-pages\/","url_meta":{"origin":3696,"position":4},"title":"My Back Pages","author":"MattyBoy","date":"09\/13\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Print is important and always will be. Secret messages are sent on paper; on computers, they have to be heavily encrypted. This still doesn't work as well as something that has to be photographed before someone burns or swallows it. I'd call it a safe bet that money will always\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Comix Classic & Current"","block_context":{"text":"Comix Classic & Current","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/classic-comix\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"money_folded","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/money_folded.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2232,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/r-buddy\/","url_meta":{"origin":3696,"position":5},"title":"R. Buddy","author":"MattyBoy","date":"07\/21\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"If you think this strip is confusing, here's some help: R. Budd Dwyer on Wikipedia The \"dark gift\", in my view, is a gift someone gives you that you can never give yourself; the experience of their death. You can only appreciate it once it's happened. There is no describing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Bad Influences"","block_context":{"text":"Bad Influences","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/bad-influences\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"From BIUL #2.","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/RBuddy.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/RBuddy.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/RBuddy.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3696","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3696"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3696\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3704,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3696\/revisions\/3704"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3696"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3696"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3696"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}