{"id":3410,"date":"2017-05-05T14:07:13","date_gmt":"2017-05-05T18:07:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/?p=3410"},"modified":"2017-05-11T14:37:37","modified_gmt":"2017-05-11T18:37:37","slug":"declaration-of-intellectual-immunity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/declaration-of-intellectual-immunity\/","title":{"rendered":"Declaration of Intellectual Immunity"},"content":{"rendered":"

Q:\u00a0<\/strong>What can hurt you on the Internet?<\/p>\n

A:\u00a0<\/strong>Nothing. Absolutely nothing.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It’s impossible. You cannot read or see something on the Internet and become injured. You can only allow yourself to be manipulated.<\/p>\n

So don’t.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

You’re here because you want to be enlightened in some measure. You’d like to know something that your friends don’t, so you can tell them about it the next time you see them. You want to learn in a breezy, informal manner. On your own terms.<\/p>\n

Well, then make sure your terms are valid.<\/p>\n

Let’s say you ask an innocent question, and someone replies that you’re a fag who should die. They say that you’re mentally deficient because your mother was a race-mixing slut. What should you do then?<\/p>\n

Nothing.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let’s say you supported a presidential candidate, and some people online don’t like that. One tells you that you’ll be\u00a0raped to death in front of your children, as a punishment for your stupidity. He says he knows where you work. What should you do then?<\/p>\n

Nothing.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thirty-five years ago, I could pick up my house phone and hear a gruff voice informing me that everyone in my home will die tonight. My parents would tell me that it was a disturbed and impotent individual calling at random, who has no idea where we live, and can do literally nothing. Nothing would happen.\u00a0The end.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have more of a chance of being murdered by a Muslim for rendering Mohammed than you do of ever experiencing physical pain from an Internet posting or remark. There are laws in our country protecting you from being systematically stalked and mutilated by strangers. But, we are now at the mercy of millions of computer users who don’t truly understand the Internet. They think the Internet is a\u00a0privilege.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Is a car a privilege? No. You have to take a driving test, ideally, and prove to the government that you have what it takes to lawfully operate a motor vehicle. We don’t just throw children into cars and say “figure it out”. Not the kids\u00a0we like, we don’t.<\/p>\n

We do that with the Internet.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In 2000, I saw something so horrific, so revolting, so soul-shatteringly inhuman, I resolved never to tell anyone about it. I will take it to my grave. It has haunted me ever since, and I’ll never get it out of my mind. When friends find this out, they playfully make suggestions as to what it could possibly be, using things they’ve witnessed on the Internet.<\/p>\n

“Let me guess-\u00a02 Girls 1 Cup?\u00a0<\/em>Or\u00a01 Man 1 Jar?\u00a0<\/em>Oh my god… not\u00a0swap.avi?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“It must be an ISIS beheading, or that Zippocat… ugh, why do I even know about Zippocat?!?”<\/p>\n

“Come on. Harlequin fetus? Blue waffle? Boiled man? What could it be?”<\/p>\n

I will never tell you. It’s worse.\u00a0<\/strong>And I saw it on Rotten, or Ogrish. It was the final trial; the first moment I saw the Abyss yawn and stretch lifeless before me, into infinity. The absence of any kind of loving God. The void itself.<\/p>\n

Nothing.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Due to some twisted empathy, even seventeen years later, I can close my eyes and still see it. I believe the sight would drive a child or a parent to gibbering madness. And yet, I know, even this cannot hurt anyone.<\/p>\n

That is, anyone who is\u00a0prepared.<\/strong><\/p>\n

By allowing a child on the Internet, you are exposing him or her to the very worst the world has to offer. Things no child should learn about. Not just rape, and murder, but actual people who delight in psychological torture and terrorism. People with so little in their daily lives, they’ll think nothing of toying with a minor’s psyche for jollies. Angry, envious people. (With computers.)<\/p>\n

I can’t stop anyone from letting their kids use the Internet. They’ll do it anyway, because it’s one of the only accepted and visible status symbols in use today. A child isn’t properly spoiled unless they’re pouting into a smartphone, which means- you guessed it-\u00a0they all are.\u00a0<\/strong>Anyone can have kids, so it’s down to how well the average person can raise a human being. So much for that shit.<\/p>\n

I mean, why not just give the kid the fucking candy when they cry? All the other kids are learning about pedophilia and transgenderism on the Internet; why not yours? How will they “keep up”? How will they transform into the soulless monsters the government needs to kill people in other countries?<\/p>\n

Why not teach your kids that words hurt? They obviously do. Did your kids see you “get hurt” by a comment on Facebook? Then the job’s already done. Children don’t have wisdom; adults are their guides. If they see you smoke, they’ll start smoking. Your failures will become their lifestyle.<\/p>\n

I’ve seen countless public service videos over the years, depicting the utter holocaust that occurs when young children find cigarettes or a pistol in the family home. You lead them right to the computer, and then expect them to play nice. Congrats-\u00a0you just handed a kid a loaded handgun, stuck a Marlboro Red in their mouth and lit it with your Zippo.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is\u00a0the hard part.<\/p>\n

Do you know what the MPAA’s “PG” rating means?<\/p>\n

Parental Guidance.\u00a0<\/strong>“PG-13” means the children in attendance should be\u00a013 or older, accompanied by a parent or guardian.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

The MPAA couldn’t make it any easier for parents unless they sat next to them in the theater. Good luck explaining history smokers, though.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

“R” means\u00a0Restricted.\u00a0<\/strong>It means you should never,\u00a0ever hear a fucking baby in the audience, even though I have, on numerous occasions. Explain that shit. Explain to me why, when I saw\u00a0Red Dragon<\/em>, a movie about killers and cannibals, some asshole’s fucking baby was present. Crying, because WHAT ELSE WOULD A BABY DO THERE?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Back to PG.<\/p>\n

“Parental Guidance” implies that a minor’s parent(s) should be present to make sure the kid knows it’s\u00a0only a movie.\u00a0<\/em>The guardian is not supposed to freak out or do anything but be a parent to a child. If the adult freaks out,\u00a0the child freaks out.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let’s say Mom is too scared to see\u00a0The Exorcist.\u00a0<\/em>The kids sneak out and see it with an older cousin. They<\/em> get scared, and the older cousin laughs at them. The kids realize Mom was scared over nothing. They go home and bust Dad’s balls for\u00a0not going, and he groans that the older cousin is a bad influence. Mom pshaws the evening and goes to watch Carson.<\/p>\n

Next day; life goes on. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but it was better than now. Companies weren’t doing their damnedest to destroy families. At least, not out in the open.<\/p>\n

You want to make something matter? Write it out in longhand, and sign it. Like this:<\/p>\n

DECLARATION OF INTELLECTUAL IMMUNITY<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I, the undersigned, hereby proclaim that:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. No word written or spoken can cause me physical harm, or mental anguish<\/li>\n
  2. No words, images, or information on the Internet can injure me or anyone else; those who claim otherwise are mentally disturbed charlatans<\/li>\n
  3. All information on the Internet is non-physical, and therefore inherently meaningless, suspect, and invalid unless proven otherwise<\/li>\n
  4. The Internet is merely representative of computer users and their culture, and not any legitimate strata\u00a0of human life<\/li>\n
  5. Internet browsing has been corrupted by corporate monopolies, ergo its news capacity is co-opted and forever tarnished<\/li>\n
  6. Social media has done irrevocable damage to the family unit and civilized society at large, with malice aforethought, contaminating institutions of higher learning and poisoning legitimate debate<\/li>\n
  7. This is a by-product of companies pushing children into the world of the Internet, uneducated of its dangers, to make profits and force\u00a0censorious legislation<\/li>\n
  8. I believe the only solution is\u00a0teaching our children. First and foremost, that no words can ever hurt them, or me, or anyone.\u00a0<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Signed,
    \n________________________________________<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Q:\u00a0What can hurt you on the Internet? A:\u00a0Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s impossible. You cannot read or see something on the Internet and become injured. You can only allow yourself to be manipulated. So don’t.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2,5,6,77],"tags":[1033,699,2008,2347,156,167,1223,1914],"class_list":["post-3410","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bad-influences","category-dont-care","category-faint-signals","category-worst-of-all","tag-1033","tag-2000s","tag-2010s","tag-2347","tag-censorship","tag-facebook","tag-internet","tag-social-media"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p53HmY-T0","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4998,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/snitches-get-stitches\/","url_meta":{"origin":3410,"position":0},"title":"Snitches Get Stitches","author":"MattyBoy","date":"09\/15\/2019","format":false,"excerpt":"I often bring up the time I spent in jail because I learned a lot there. 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