{"id":2923,"date":"2017-01-06T09:44:42","date_gmt":"2017-01-06T14:44:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/?p=2923"},"modified":"2017-01-06T09:44:42","modified_gmt":"2017-01-06T14:44:42","slug":"all-the-snakes-go-crazy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/all-the-snakes-go-crazy\/","title":{"rendered":"“All The Snakes Go Crazy”"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have this idea for a movie. It was kind of inspired by\u00a0Snakes on a Plane,\u00a0<\/em>but not in the way you think; my movie would be\u00a0good.\u00a0<\/em>It would be relatively inexpensive to make and gross tons of money. Hear me out.<\/p>\n

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The idea is: one day, all the snakes go crazy.<\/em><\/p>\n

No one knows why; there’s no time to find out. Wherever there’s a snake, craziness abounds. They fly from trees like\u00a0scaly torpedoes. They lasso and choke old ladies. They don’t even seem to be biting people; they’re performing unforeseen acts like bouncing on their tails to get around. Even people who like snakes are freaking out.<\/p>\n

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Like this, but scary.<\/p><\/div>\n

There will be no clich\u00e9 “constriction scene” in\u00a0ATSGC<\/em>; that would establish motive for the snakes to attack. The whole point is that\u00a0no one knows why.\u00a0<\/em>It’s not even clear if people are being killed. Wherever the snakes go crazy, everyone\u00a0runs.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

The snakes aren’t even centralized. They just go where the people are and wig out. Imagine if five cobras literally rolled up to you as wheels, then meowed in harmony. You’d either flee or be trampled by those who already\u00a0are<\/em> fleeing.<\/p>\n

Okay, we’ve established the setting; now we need a protagonist, to root for and be our eyes.\u00a0Snakes on a Plane<\/em> had Samuel L. Jackson, of course, and I have a black male lead in mind as well. One of my very favorite comedians,\u00a0Tracy Morgan.<\/strong><\/p>\n

(Who is not attached, legally obligated to, or even aware of this pipe-dream.)<\/p>\n

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SNAKES!!!<\/b><\/p><\/div>\n

All that’s necessary is to set up a bit with a snake going crazy, and film Tracy Morgan reacting. Eventually you’ll have enough gold to staple into a vague narrative arc, and boom.\u00a0We got ourselves a movie, baby!<\/em><\/p>\n

Here’s the hook: Tracy is in a wheelchair. Not for any reasons other than to add dramatic tension by reducing his mobility during snake craziness, and to make it easier on the actor himself. This puts the focus fully on Tracy once he enters the narrative. It’s not even necessary to explain\u00a0why<\/em> he’s in the wheelchair. He just\u00a0is,\u00a0<\/em>and the\u00a0snakes are going crazy!<\/em><\/p>\n

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“Damn- you see that snake goin’ crazy over there?!?”\u00a0<\/strong>-predicted dialogue<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

At the start, he could have a friend\u00a0pushing his chair, who falls victim to a crazy snake. Or, he could have an electric wheelchair, which is slowly running out of power. Morgan’s reactions would be reason enough for the movie to exist. He could reach for the cord to charge up, and IT’S REALLY A SNEAKY SNAKE!<\/p>\n

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“Yo, that ain’t right, y’all! I’ve had it with these crazy-ass snakes goin’ crazy all over the damn place!”<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Tell me you wouldn’t watch that, as jaded as you are, to see how Tracy gets out of it. He’s got to, right? Otherwise how can he return\u00a0for the sequel,\u00a0All The Spiders Go Crazy<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Okay, maybe you’d need an\u00a0actual<\/em> reason for the snakes to flip out. Maybe it’s a snake-to-snake chain reaction, caused initially by a snake exposed to Klezmer music. I mean, Klezmer music always has that clarinet part, that sounds like snakes going crazy, doesn’t it? Am I wrong about this?<\/p>\n