{"id":2833,"date":"2016-12-18T14:16:37","date_gmt":"2016-12-18T19:16:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/?p=2833"},"modified":"2016-12-22T14:17:42","modified_gmt":"2016-12-22T19:17:42","slug":"ze-brain-on-ze-table","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/ze-brain-on-ze-table\/","title":{"rendered":"Ze Brain On Ze Table"},"content":{"rendered":"

In case you’re a neophyte to\u00a0this website and its redundant obsessions, 2009 saw the release of the hysterically divisive toy movie\u00a0Revenge of the Fallen.\u00a0<\/em>To be kind, I reference this beloved turkey\u00a0a lot.\u00a0<\/em>So often, in fact, that I’ve tried in recent months to\u00a0avoid<\/em> referencing it, to keep from wearing it out.<\/p>\n

<\/a>

So much for that.<\/p><\/div>\n

I bring it up almost as frequently as I do my time in jail. It even showed on the giant TV in stir- and the other inmates had seen it so many times they were\u00a0sick of it.\u00a0<\/em>It was like hanging out with a hundred friends in a warehouse, bickering\u00a0over what to watch.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I’m gonna discuss\u00a0Revenge of the Fallen<\/em> as though you’re relatively familiar with it. It’s easier at this point to have seen the film than to have not.<\/p>\n

There’s this little Decepticon drone, a doctor, named Scalpel. He gets the funniest lines in the entire movie, not long after major events happen. First, he and a squad of Constructicons encounter the dead body of leader Megatron, in the second-deepest part of the ocean. Scalpel inspects the corpse, and declares:<\/p>\n

“Need parts. KILL ZE LITTLE ONE!”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"\"<\/a>

“Father! Give me legs!”<\/p><\/div>\n

Immediately<\/em> the Constructicons turn on one of their group, who appears to be\u00a0twice their size,<\/em>\u00a0and rip him to pieces.\u00a0<\/em>Constructicons are\u00a0ruthless.<\/em><\/p>\n

Scalpel touches Megatron with the magical doo-dad fragment, and he springs to life, now augmented by unwillingly donated parts. He bursts out of the ocean, transforms, and flies directly to a moon of Saturn, where the Fallen is recuperating\u00a0and talks like Candyman. This is\u00a0awesome.<\/em><\/p>\n

Also awesome is the “Forest Fight”, which comes not long afterward, and oh hell I’ll just link to it. Even people who hate it are impressed by it.<\/p>\n