{"id":1790,"date":"2016-04-19T17:46:54","date_gmt":"2016-04-19T21:46:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/?p=1790"},"modified":"2016-04-20T17:47:22","modified_gmt":"2016-04-20T21:47:22","slug":"i-touch-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/i-touch-myself\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;I Touch Myself&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I first saw it in the dormitory, in 1990. I knew the song, but I&#8217;d never seen the video before. Myself and about five other male freshmen, stopped cold in front of someone&#8217;s TV. Upon the screen of which, a voluptuous,\u00a0<em>thick<\/em> woman rolled around in a fishnet that seemed to conceal everything and nothing simultaneously.<\/p>\n<p>She sang about\u00a0<em>touching herself.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Even still, the tone of her voice felt innocent somehow, like it was a surprising confession. Also, the singer had\u00a0<em>very large breasts<\/em>. It was a lot to take, for a music video.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" title=\"YouTube video player\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/FoLI9FHmV90?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/p>\n<p><!--more-->Obviously, the song was &#8220;I Touch Myself&#8221;, and the singer was Christina Amphlett. The band was Divinyls. At some indistinct point in the past, I purchased the album, and became obsessed with it. <em>Just<\/em> &#8220;I Touch Myself&#8221;. I never listened to any of the other songs. I knew one that appeared in\u00a0<em>Nightmare on Elm Street 4<\/em> (&#8220;Back To The Wall&#8221;), but other than the hit, I just didn&#8217;t get into them.<\/p>\n<p>As soon as &#8220;I Touch Myself&#8221; ended I wanted to play it again, like a damn Teletubby. I&#8217;d have days where I&#8217;d think &#8220;well, only listened to that song <em>20\u00a0<\/em>times today. I&#8217;m getting better.&#8221; I <em>had<\/em> to understand the tune&#8217;s diabolical pull. I left the video out of the equation, so that I wouldn&#8217;t rip my penis off in a feral jacking frenzy. It went on and on. People died. I might&#8217;ve climbed a tower with a rifle. 2003 was weird in general. By its climax, I had snorted coke off the tip of a knife. At knifepoint, technically.<\/p>\n<p>I worked it out of my system with the help of my bandmate. We spent insanely long hours, foregoing slumber, to mix the closer of our 2003 release <em>Insincere<\/em>, as a palindromic tribute to Christina Amphlett and &#8220;I Touch Myself&#8221;. We called it &#8220;Earth Begins Anew (Suede Happiness)&#8221;, based on lines that <em>emerged<\/em> for the chorus. Here, just listen:<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" title=\"YouTube video player\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/XMWRfb-rvy0?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em>And the army ones<br \/>\nPushed up our face, 9-3-4-5<br \/>\nAnd I finished my wine<br \/>\nWaste timeshare stock<br \/>\n<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Don&#8217;t wanna-oh-oh-oh<br \/>\nWaste time just now<br \/>\nEarth begins anew<br \/>\nSuede happiness<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Amphlett and Divinyls hailed from Australia, and they&#8217;re considered one of that continent&#8217;s greatest treasures. Unfortunately, Amphlett died in 2013 after a long battle with breast cancer. I hate this. I can&#8217;t think of anything shittier in life than tits I love that kill the host. It&#8217;s just shitty evil, like genital mutilation and landmines. Cancer is lousy enough, but <em>of breasts? Really,\u00a0<\/em>world?<\/p>\n<p>Anyway. Amphlett and Divinyls guitarist Mark McEntee fell out in 1996, and didn&#8217;t talk until ten years later, upon their induction to the ARIA Hall of Fame. I like to imagine that they did some very hot fucking. How could you not, in their shoes?! The girl can&#8217;t even think about you without touching herself. I believe the easy accessibility of Internet porn has demolished that kind of wonderful, honest horniness.<\/p>\n<p>For god&#8217;s sake, go take a cold shower.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/divinyls.jpg\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"1792\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/i-touch-myself\/divinyls\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/divinyls.jpg?fit=400%2C400&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"400,400\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-title=\"divinyls\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/divinyls.jpg?fit=400%2C400&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1792\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/divinyls.jpg?resize=400%2C400\" alt=\"divinyls\" width=\"400\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/divinyls.jpg?w=400&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/divinyls.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/divinyls.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I first saw it in the dormitory, in 1990. I knew the song, but I&#8217;d never seen the video before. Myself and about five other male freshmen, stopped cold in front of someone&#8217;s TV. Upon the screen of which, a &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/i-touch-myself\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2,6,7,72,10,46],"tags":[1177,792,700,1478,1477,1479,1480,716],"class_list":["post-1790","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bad-influences","category-faint-signals","category-girls-of-biul","category-late-to-the-party","category-nostalgic-obsessions","category-thousand-listen-club","tag-1177","tag-australia","tag-breasts","tag-christina-amphlett","tag-divinyls","tag-mark-mcentee","tag-palindromic-song-structure","tag-tailothepup"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p53HmY-sS","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1901,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/bundy-language\/","url_meta":{"origin":1790,"position":0},"title":"Bundy Language","author":"MattyBoy","date":"05\/12\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The FOX sitcom\u00a0Married... With Children ran for eleven seasons, five of them good, from 1987 to 1997. It was created by Ron Leavitt and Michael G. Moye, who were inspired by the Norman Lear classic All In The Family. On the surface, the two shows appear similar; a middle-aged ignoramus,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Bad Influences&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Bad Influences","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/bad-influences\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Not only do they really look like a family, but Kelly takes after Al, and Bud takes after Peg. That's either serendipity or super-human casting.","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/bundy1.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1615,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/tool\/","url_meta":{"origin":1790,"position":1},"title":"Tool","author":"MattyBoy","date":"03\/17\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Check it out, I wrote my very own Tool song: I was nothing but a child You put your fingers in my ass It was warmer there Blood and semen make pink SHOVE YOUR FIST INTO MY ASSHOLE I AM BUT A CHILD MOLESTER MY FATHER TOUCHED ME IN THE\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Bad Influences&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Bad Influences","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/bad-influences\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"BIUL_Tool","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/BIUL_Tool.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/BIUL_Tool.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/BIUL_Tool.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/BIUL_Tool.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1342,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/hate-proof-george-bensons-give-me-the-night\/","url_meta":{"origin":1790,"position":2},"title":"Hate Proof: George Benson&#8217;s &#8220;Give Me The Night&#8221;","author":"MattyBoy","date":"01\/24\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"George Benson is an American musician, guitarist and singer-songwriter. He began his professional career at twenty-one, as a jazz guitarist. Benson uses a rest-stroke picking technique similar to that of gypsy jazz players such as Django Reinhardt. [Wikipedia] I've always been impressed when a musician can sing and play an\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Faint Signals&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Faint Signals","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/faint-signals\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"[Warner Brothers]","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/georgebenson1.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2083,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/soul-coughing\/","url_meta":{"origin":1790,"position":3},"title":"Soul Coughing","author":"MattyBoy","date":"06\/21\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"All comics I\u00a0produced from 2006-2008 were written and drawn during the production of my movie,\u00a0John's Arm: Armageddon. I jumped the gun by putting a \"release date\" on my shirt in the opening panel. Here's why. One of these days, you'll wake up, and think to yourself \"my god, every single\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Animation Analysis&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Animation Analysis","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/animation-analysis\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"BIUL_SoulCoughing","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/BIUL_SoulCoughing.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/BIUL_SoulCoughing.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/BIUL_SoulCoughing.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/BIUL_SoulCoughing.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1320,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/i-never-liked-you-inxs\/","url_meta":{"origin":1790,"position":4},"title":"I Never Liked You: INXS","author":"MattyBoy","date":"01\/18\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Within my vast and dubious knowledge of music, there are holes. Some are tiny, like my ignorance of sex droid Taylor Swift. Others are much larger; one is the relative size of six Australians. I have never cared for INXS. The closest I got was \"The One Thing\", which saw\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Don't Know Don't Care&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Don't Know Don't Care","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/dont-care\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Nearly indistinguishable from Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam.","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/inxs2.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4152,"url":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/hairway-to-steven\/","url_meta":{"origin":1790,"position":5},"title":"Hairway To Steven","author":"MattyBoy","date":"06\/28\/2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Hairway To Steven is my favorite Butthole Surfers album. Every song on it is gold. It's one of the greatest experimental rock albums of all time, easily on par with Beefheart's\u00a0Trout Mask Replica.\u00a0I have the original Touch & Go release from 1988, with the impossible-to-remove MADE IN CANADA sticker. This\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Girls of BIUL&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Girls of BIUL","link":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/category\/girls-of-biul\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/hairway2.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1790","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1790"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1790\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1794,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1790\/revisions\/1794"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1790"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1790"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bandsiusetalike.com\/biul\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1790"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}