Tag Archives: YouTube

Soft Human Flesh In Front Of You

An essential quality in a modern person is the ability to accept that some things don’t make sense. There will always be unknowables and mysteries. We will all go to our graves without the answers. We must make our own answers, to maintain sanity, regardless of whether our answers are based in truth. We must move on.

What if we can’t? What if we lack this essential quality? What then?

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Worst Of All

The Loudness War

From 1992 to 1995, I worked in the music store on the upper level of the Savannah Mall. Disc Jockey was the other music store, on the lower level and the opposite end. Our respective locations affected our clientele; we were next to the upscale department store, and they were next to the parking lot.

Of course there was a rivalry.

Despite what you might think, it was friendly. We all ate in the same food court, and used the same deposit chute. If a customer stumped our staff, we’d begrudgingly call downstairs and ask their staff. Sometimes one store knew something the other didn’t. Upcoming trends in music, promotions, closings, and firings within the busy mall.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All

The Face of Kellyanne

Last year, all I wanted to do was crack jokes about Hillary Clinton’s ever-smug face. Her daughter Chelsea, too. Throw in that awful Debbie Wasserman Shultz, and you’ve got a trifecta of ghoulish visages I was literally salivating to goof on. Caricature unflatteringly, at the least.

And I didn’t.

I didn’t make fun of the women at the Trump rally, either. I couldn’t; they were all attractive, and could possibly have shamed me as a man.

While the entire media industry decided to make fun of Donald Trump’s face, like a bus full of second-graders, I didn’t stoop to their level. And oh, they had a field day. They’re still doodling him as an anus, or a Cheeto. I’ve seen that illustration of Trump as a shit-spattered baby so many times I could forge it from memory.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Channel FUM

I propose a concept for a new 24-hour network.

FUM. The Fucked-Up Movies Channel.

By watching FUM, you agree to the terms and conditions of the network. In short:

All the movies aired on this channel are fucked up.
If you get fucked up by watching it, too fucking bad.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Movies You Missed, Saturday Movie Matinee, Thousand Listen Club, Unfairly Maligned, Worst Of All

The Sifl and Olly Show

A time slot on a major cable network is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, you couldn’t ask for a larger audience. On the other, you’re the property of the company store, and you bend to their whim.

For example, MTV aired Beavis & Butthead, but to pad out the episodes to sitcom-length, they inserted music videos with Mike Judge doing commentary in character. At the time, I could appreciate the necessity of this, being that ink-and-paint animation takes time to create. Still, it was obvious that the idea was cribbed from MST3K, and much of the music was unlistenable, or not worth the mockery.

MTV pulled the same jazz when they aired the extraordinary sock-puppet comedy The Sifl and Olly Show, from 1997 to 1999.

Videotape artifacts are subconsciously comforting.

Videotape artifacts are subconsciously comforting.

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Filed under Faint Signals, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club

Weezer

BIUL_Weezer

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Worst Of All

A Fart In The Face

Earlier this year I crossed a boundary with the dog.

A different dog.

This is a different dog.

I’d eaten some godawful fried thing or another, and feeling a buildup of gas, I leaped over to the dog, crouched directly above his face, and knocked a king-size fart across his nose.

Triumphant, I turned to face the dog, expecting adoration for this generous gastric flotilla. Instead, the dog regarded me with a reproachful look, the kind I expect people receive when they jiggle their comatose grandmother’s breast for a family photo.

“What’s the matter?” I asked the dog in plain English, as though he would reply in kind. “Don’t you, a dog, enjoy the smell of shit?” Continue reading

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

The Thankless Life

betamax1

A harsh truth of reality: not every movie gets a sequel, and this isn’t a bad thing. Only one thing grants a movie a sequel; money.

Money and passion are often confused by consumers. They feel the same, in many ways, and they produce similar results. But for creative people, money and passion are completely different creatures. The latter is fuel, and the former is a means to an end. You can possess a passion; money, you can only hold. Continue reading

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Late To The Party, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee