Tag Archives: women

Little Girls, Little Guns

“Little Girls” is the first track off of Only A Lad, the first LP from Los Angeles new-wave band Oingo Boingo. When was only a lad, it was sort of a personal anthem. You probably know it, it starts with:

I – I – I love little girls, they make me feel so good
I love
Little girls, they make me feel so
Bad
When they’re around they make me feel like I’m the only guy in town
I love
Little girls, they make me feel so
Good

Fairly innocuous, right? It’s cute, if you don’t read too much into it. Or, avoid watching the video.

An Elfmanic episode.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club

No Dark Sarcasm In The Classroom

Comedy stinks right now because you forced it to stink. You vilified every experience in life that makes a great comedian. You made the safe, sponsored version of laughter the norm. You’re so afraid to really laugh in front of other people, that you turned comedy from an anti-establishment weapon into a cottony security blanket.

Comedy stinks right now because of you. Because you’re afraid of your true feelings. 

You probably don’t even know who this is.

Let’s take, as an example, one of these pusillanimous women that the media holds up as Queens of Comedy. You know the ones, I don’t have to name them. They’re all over glossy magazine covers at the checkout aisles, making “zany” faces to remind you they’re funny. 

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Late To The Party, Thousand Listen Club

Phuck Phones

From BIUL III.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

What You Need To Hear

I need to do my job as a website manager and give you something you need, that you didn’t know you did. Don’t get spoiled, this won’t happen very often. But if I’m hurting, which I am now more than ever, it means that the rest of the world is hurting even more.

So here’s what you need.

If it’s safe for space, it’s SFW.

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Filed under Girls of BIUL, Site Stuff, Uncategorized

PaRappa the Crapper

Long ago, in the Before Times, I was dating a woman with a very young daughter. I had not yet gelled as an artistic entity, and was in the process of learning that I’m really not cut out to be a father, even a surrogate one. This became apparent on two occasions. Both were attempts on my part to make a connection with a kid. Both failed hilariously.

The first was the purchase of a “children’s book”. I spent hours at Books-A-Million (down the block from Media Play) hunting for just the right one. It had to be colorful, clever, and not condescending. I refused to buy anything “kiddie”, on principle. It had to be something that enticed, thrilled, and sparked the imagination, like the books I read in my grade school library.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Thousand Listen Club

The Face of Kellyanne

Last year, all I wanted to do was crack jokes about Hillary Clinton’s ever-smug face. Her daughter Chelsea, too. Throw in that awful Debbie Wasserman Shultz, and you’ve got a trifecta of ghoulish visages I was literally salivating to goof on. Caricature unflatteringly, at the least.

And I didn’t.

I didn’t make fun of the women at the Trump rally, either. I couldn’t; they were all attractive, and could possibly have shamed me as a man.

While the entire media industry decided to make fun of Donald Trump’s face, like a bus full of second-graders, I didn’t stoop to their level. And oh, they had a field day. They’re still doodling him as an anus, or a Cheeto. I’ve seen that illustration of Trump as a shit-spattered baby so many times I could forge it from memory.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

The Kook Who Sat By The Door

If I could go back in time 20 years, and tell my 24-year-old self that I’d be signing my own comics at Criminal Records in Atlanta’s Little 5 Points, I wouldn’t believe it. Mostly because at 24 I was incredulous about the feasibility of time travel.

Three years ago, in jail, more than one dude told me I looked like Bruno Mars. I don't see it.

Three years ago, in jail, more than one dude told me I looked like Bruno Mars. I don’t see it.

I’ve guested at comic conventions before, but this was Criminal Records. They’ve had an almost mythical status since the 1990s, and their old location (it’s now Stratosphere Skateboards, another local business I highly recommend), which I visited often even before I lived here. It had cartoons drawn on the walls by Skip Williamson, Evan Dorkin and Bob Burden, just to name a few. I want to say Patty Leidy was up there too, but I’m going on memory here.  Continue reading

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Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Eatable Things, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Uncategorized

Oh, Brother

Let me be clear about something, so there is no misunderstanding amongst the finger-pointers.

I love women. 

pepelepew

[file photo]

More than probably anything else. They are intrinsically exciting to me. Not just their hills and valleys; I can get worked into a froth thinking about Camille Paglia cocking an eyebrow. I have chased women at the expense of my sanity and livelihood, even the ones I wasn’t trying to fuck. Some women beam out female energy like a supernova, and I just want to be close to it, like a moth to a flame.  Continue reading

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Uncategorized

(Every Day Is) Halloween

Let’s say you’ve decided to become a “Goth”. These are some things you can expect:

  1. No friends, aside from other Goths.
  2. No attention, aside from that of other Goths.
  3. No respect from anyone, aside from other Goths.

Goths have made a full-time commitment to a bad mood. It’s like a lifestyle built entirely around PMS. If a Goth is older than 25, you’re looking at severely damaged goods. Elvira is literally the only person who can pull the look off successfully.

Damaged goods she is not.

Damaged goods she is not.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club

The Power Of Michelles

Not to put too fine a point on it, but in my experiences, girls named Michelle tend to be extra powerful.

As a dude, I’m not meant to understand it too deeply. I don’t know if spelling it with one “l” or two makes a difference. What I do know, is that if you value your soul, you do not mess around with girls named Michelle. 

It would be impolite of me to get personal on this matter, so allow me to utilize a public example, and a shining one: Michelle Jenneke.

jenneke2

Michelle “Shelly” Jenneke is an Australian hurdler and model, who won a silver medal for the 100m hurdles at the 2010 Summer Youth Olympics. She won the 100m hurdles at the 2016 Australian Athletics Championships to qualify for the Rio Olympic Games. She received worldwide media attention in 2012 for her pre-race warm-up dance.

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