Tag Archives: Internet

Bully For You

Here is a foolproof, ironclad, never-fail method to keep your kids from being bullied. Ready? This is worth a million dollars. Here it comes.

DON’T HAVE KIDS. 

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Hiatus Hernia

An object in motion tends to stay in motion. An object at rest tends to stay at rest.

From “Prince Variant: Seller of Collectibles”, BIUL #2 (2015).

More accurately, an object that is in motion will not change its velocity unless a force acts upon it. This is Newton’s law of motion. It applies to the average blogger thusly; if you’re having a good posting run, it will continue until some force acts upon it.

Like reality.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Late To The Party, Nostalgic Obsessions, Site Stuff

On The Turning Away

It’s time for us, as a species, to make a healthy admission.

The world we knew and loved, just years ago, is dead. It’s gone. It’s never coming back. Not even as a side mission in a GTA game. Now we are left with the nagging sensation that things were once better. It’s too painful to consider the reasons why. Hold on to the memory, and carry on.

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Million Dollar Extreme

I love great sketch comedy, and as demonstrated on this site, I have tremendous nostalgia for the video industry of the 1980s and ’90s. By nature I am protective of those things, out of love. I have little tolerance of exploitation of them.

I believe the modern peak of sketch comedy came with two shows; Mr. Show with Bob & David, and The Kids In The Hall (both on HBO). Since the 1990s, these programs set the gold standard. Inevitably, new sketch comedy shows are compared to them, and they seldom hold up. I don’t think The State gelled until they became Reno 911. Broken Lizard has moments; generally one or two per film. Too many comedy groups nowadays are post-UCB; all manic energy, no focus. That’s fine if the group is performing live for an drunken bar audience. TV is a different matter.

 

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Filed under Bad Influences, Nostalgic Obsessions, Unfairly Maligned

How To Be Garbage

[Author’s Note: This article is about how to be actual garbage, as in waste and refuse, not how to be the band “Garbage”.]

Here’s a hypothetical and hard-to-believe scenario. You’re talking to someone about how much you like my comics. Just go with it, alright? The person you’re talking to suddenly pipes up with, “Oh yeah, know that guy. Have for years. He’s a real piece of shit. Let me tell you all about that pussy.”

Congratulations! You’ve had an encounter with garbage.

This could be you!

It’s not difficult. Garbage is everywhere. It stinks, and we all have to deal with it sooner or later.

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You Can Pick Your Nose, But You Can’t Pick Your Fans

A stalker once told me, as though it validated his abhorrent behavior, “You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friends’ friends.” Admittedly, that’s partly true.

I mean, you’re welcome to pick your nose, if you’d like to be ostracized from society and make everyone sick at the same time. You can pick your friends, provided they’re in the same socio-economic class as you are, and they don’t consort with a better version of your identity. And you can’t pick your friends’ friends, who, for all you know, could be royalty, or morally repugnant wasted orgasms.

If you create art and/or entertainment, you don’t get to pick and choose who likes it.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Uncategorized

Not For You

I’m old enough to remember when Bill Maher was a stand-up comedian; i.e., a person who stands behind a microphone and makes people laugh. I have vague memories of Kathy Griffin doing the same thing. As far as I can determine now, Maher and Griffin just make people mad, by saying or doing something deliberately inappropriate, and then flaying open their breast in apology, crocodile tears a-flow.

Then they go back to being unfunny. Because funny ain’t what pays their bills.

More integrity and realism than anything Maher has done since.

I’m also old enough to recall when Maher’s show Politically Incorrect lived up to its name, instead of being a vehicle for trendy virtue-signals. My pal Jim Goad once made an appearance. It was far more fringy and loose. Now it’s a reductive caricature, a safe forum for “differing viewpoints” (vetted by the network/sponsors). It’s a funnier joke as it is than anything that ever came out of Bill Maher’s mouth.

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What You Need To Hear

I need to do my job as a website manager and give you something you need, that you didn’t know you did. Don’t get spoiled, this won’t happen very often. But if I’m hurting, which I am now more than ever, it means that the rest of the world is hurting even more.

So here’s what you need.

If it’s safe for space, it’s SFW.

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Filed under Girls of BIUL, Site Stuff, Uncategorized

Declaration of Intellectual Immunity

Q: What can hurt you on the Internet?

A: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It’s impossible. You cannot read or see something on the Internet and become injured. You can only allow yourself to be manipulated.

So don’t.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Worst Of All

Insecurities Fraud

Pre-Internet, not knowing the meaning of a word was a pretty serious problem.

Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.

Someone who disliked you could put you on the spot, in front of a group, by quizzing you on the meaning of a word.

“Come on, everyone knows what that word means. Don’t you?”
“If you know so much, then what’s it mean?”
“Oh no, I’m not telling. You first.”

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