Tag Archives: Hollywood

House Lights, Show’s Over

Maybe someday, in some perfect future utopia where I am long dead, the vaunted generation known as “millennials” will finally experience self-awareness. Maybe they will finally uncover the reason why they are so vehemently despised by literally everyone who came before them.

Continue reading

Comments Off on House Lights, Show’s Over

Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Movies You Missed, Nostalgic Obsessions, Saturday Movie Matinee, Unfairly Maligned, Worst Of All

F*ck Pride

Everyone here has seen Pulp Fiction, right? I’m making an assumption, being that we’re on the Internet, and all. There’s a scene where Ving Rhames forces Bruce Willis to take a fall in a boxing match. He says:

“On the night of the fight you may feel a slight sting. That’s pride, fucking with you. FUCK pride.”

Continue reading

Comments Off on F*ck Pride

Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

The Face of Kellyanne

Last year, all I wanted to do was crack jokes about Hillary Clinton’s ever-smug face. Her daughter Chelsea, too. Throw in that awful Debbie Wasserman Shultz, and you’ve got a trifecta of ghoulish visages I was literally salivating to goof on. Caricature unflatteringly, at the least.

And I didn’t.

I didn’t make fun of the women at the Trump rally, either. I couldn’t; they were all attractive, and could possibly have shamed me as a man.

While the entire media industry decided to make fun of Donald Trump’s face, like a bus full of second-graders, I didn’t stoop to their level. And oh, they had a field day. They’re still doodling him as an anus, or a Cheeto. I’ve seen that illustration of Trump as a shit-spattered baby so many times I could forge it from memory.

Continue reading

Comments Off on The Face of Kellyanne

Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Dear Bubble People

Wanna make sure I never watch your movie or show?

Title it “Dear White People”. 

Scrub away guilt!

I won’t touch it. I don’t respond well to condescension. I could contract full-blown AIDS, “Dear White People” could have the cure, and I’d die happily, blissfully ignorant, broth bowl in hand, tumbling to the linoleum with a smile.

Any white person who would willfully watch something titled “Dear White People” is fearful of people who aren’t white. Period.

Continue reading

Comments Off on Dear Bubble People

Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

A Snowball’s Chance In Hell

I strive to be fair in my work, I really do. Except for when I don’t, and I’m not.

Meaning, there’s a handful of musical acts for which I have no love. All I have for them is contempt, which I lamely try to carve into humor. It’s best that I come clean about it, to put an end to wondering why I don’t mention some bands at all. Ever.

I don’t want to know how many times it’s been tattooed. I assume a lot.

Continue reading

Comments Off on A Snowball’s Chance In Hell

Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All