Tag Archives: Halloween

The Cramps

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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club

(Every Day Is) Halloween

Let’s say you’ve decided to become a “Goth”. These are some things you can expect:

  1. No friends, aside from other Goths.
  2. No attention, aside from that of other Goths.
  3. No respect from anyone, aside from other Goths.

Goths have made a full-time commitment to a bad mood. It’s like a lifestyle built entirely around PMS. If a Goth is older than 25, you’re looking at severely damaged goods. Elvira is literally the only person who can pull the look off successfully.

Damaged goods she is not.

Damaged goods she is not.

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Songs To Scare You Stupid

So, maybe you’re going for a little more edge in your “haunted house”, this Halloween? Or do your fireside ghost stories need some extra oomph? Say no more, my young apprentice.

From inside Torture Garden, Naked City, 1990.

From inside Naked City, 1990.

You can do much better than “Monster Mash” and Doom soundtracks to terrify trick-or-treaters. Please help yourself to some suggestions. You with the eggs and the toilet paper; take two. Continue reading

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Charles Addams

In the 1960s, there were two unusual homesteads on television. One was monstrous, the other creepy and spooky. Both had excellent opening titles music.

Both had lovely type treatments and title cards, too.

Lovely type treatments and title cards, too.

The Munsters was easy to comprehend, for the most part; it was a show about a family of classic movie monsters (hence the pun). Father Herman was the great Fred Gwynne dolled up as a friendly Frankenstein’s monster; wife Lily and Grandpa were vampires. Son Eddie (Butch Patrick) was the wolf-boy, with a prominent widow’s-peak that ensured I would be humiliatingly likened to him, and daughter Marilyn was the freak, with no monstrous qualities whatsoever. They all lived in a spooky mansion on 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Who knew or cared about the genetics involved in such a lineage? Continue reading

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Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions

Fear Of Darkness, Boat Of Love

Recently my editor at Stomp & Stammer asked me how much of BIUL is embellished, and how much is actually true.

Believe it or not, it’s almost entirely truthful. I condense and streamline experiences for space constraints, and add a punchline here and there, but it’s all based in truth. In fact, there are anecdotes that I haven’t used, because I figure that readers will doubt their veracity.

For example, how I conquered my childhood fear of the dark with the help of The Love Boat.

loveboat1

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions

Oingo Boingo

BIUL_OingoBoingo

Hey, you know when depicting any female consort in a comic strip is a good idea? Never. You know who wants to read comics about you and your spouse (if you have one), past or present? No one. Other than yourself, do you know who thinks comics about your relationships are funny? Nobody. (Now, putting buddies in strips? Gold. Who doesn’t love that?) Continue reading

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All Hallows’ Eats IV: Kreme Warriors

This is it folks; the final chapter for 2015. If you still aren’t full and/or sick after reading this, here are the first, second, and third chapters. Spoiler alert: Freddy dies in this one. From an overdose of candy corn.

Lofthouse Candy Corn Frosted Cookies

Lofthouse Candy Corn Frosted Cookies

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All Hallows’ Eats III: Candy Of The Corn

Welcome to the third installment of our perennial perusal of Halloween sweets. If for some reason this one’s not enough for you, here’s the first, and the second. It’s a lot of sugar and junk, so pace yourself.

I don’t want to admit that I’ve been eating a lot of candy corn this fall, but earlier I cut myself and bled orange. I’m surprised my craps aren’t pumpkin-colored by now. I make a lot of sacrifices for this website, but at this point I feel like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now, writhing and bleeding, muttering “shit… I’m still eating this shit.”

apocnow
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All Hallows’ Eats II: The Candying

Halloween is little more than a month away, so join me, as I once again risk my tooth enamel and gastrointestinal tract trying to recapture the joyfully spooky autumns of my youth. Click here for a much earlier installment in this series.

Mysterious Monsters

Mysterious Monsters

I found these things at Target, which is where I get about 50% of the candy I consume. The rest comes from Publix or CVS. These places understand adults with a diet that includes candy/crap. I typically can’t emerge from a Publix without a fresh bag of Wonka Randoms. Whoever designed those needs a fat promotion. The satisfaction of going to the scoop-and-bucket candy store at the mall- they nailed it.  Continue reading

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All Hallows’ Eats

As Halloween approaches, we celebrate by getting sick on weird candy. To kick off this recurring feature, here’s an article from October 31, 2007.

What, you thought I was too busy to hand out treats to you fine kids? Hell no! How could I show up empty-handed, with all the hard work you guys put into your costumes? Sure, maybe you’ll be a little disappointed with what I have to offer, but since I at least made an effort to please you nice kids, maybe you won’t huck eggs at my quaint little Web 1.0 home here.

I’ll be blunt; my choices aren’t very original, but I hope you nice kids won’t hold that against me. I can see the glimmer of apprehension in your eyes behind those clever masks, no doubt caused by the realization that my home smells like compacted ass. Perhaps my shambling and tattered clothes suggest a feral man easily spooked by traffic’s roar. I assure you the corpses on the lawn are decorations and not interns.

‘Tis the Season. Let’s eat some CANDY!

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