Tag Archives: Frank Zappa

A Snowball’s Chance In Hell

I strive to be fair in my work, I really do. Except for when I don’t, and I’m not.

Meaning, there’s a handful of musical acts for which I have no love. All I have for them is contempt, which I lamely try to carve into humor. It’s best that I come clean about it, to put an end to wondering why I don’t mention some bands at all. Ever.

I don’t want to know how many times it’s been tattooed. I assume a lot.

Continue reading

Comments Off on A Snowball’s Chance In Hell

Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Experience vs. Evidence

In the next ten years, the entire experience of seeing a concert will have changed. Forever.

These things and infants are everywhere, and you complain about guns?

Hunter S. Thompson claimed that no Doors recording existed that captured the grandeur of Jim Morrison and company on stage. I believe this, although I never bore witness to the spectacle myself. Regardless, the only real evidence will always be the albums the Doors released. Thompson’s historic experience either died with him, or ended up on the wall behind his office chair. This is, needless to say, unfortunate. Continue reading

Comments Off on Experience vs. Evidence

Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions

Dead Milkmen

Continue reading

Comments Off on Dead Milkmen

Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club, Worst Of All

The B-52s

BIUL_B52s

Continue reading

Comments Off on The B-52s

Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Thousand Listen Club

The Cranberries

BIUL_The_Cranberries

Continue reading

Comments Off on The Cranberries

Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Worst Of All, Zappalogy

“Last Exit”

When was the last time the name “Pearl Jam” sounded weird to you? Can you even remember when it didn’t sound like a band?

Eddie Vedder

Eddie Vedder

Vitalogy, Pearl Jam’s experimental third album, was finally released in November of 1994. By that time, the record store I had assistant-managed was consumed by Blockbuster. Originally, I worked at “Tracks”, which was where I experienced Pearl Jam’s debut disc Ten, around ten times a day for several months. This resulted in a loathing of that album that burns to the present day.  Continue reading

Comments Off on “Last Exit”

Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Thousand Listen Club, Unfairly Maligned

Kidd Video

Parallel universes figure into popular science fiction every so often, but whereas now they are used to explain inconsistencies, in the past they were an intriguing alternative to outer space as a setting. The short-lived TV show Otherworld from 1985 is one example, with its no-frills labels (like in Repo Man) and dumb upside-down pistols. A better-known version of the concept is the cartoon Kidd Video, which aired on NBC Saturday mornings around the same time.

(l-r) Ash, Whiz, Kidd, Carla. Yes, the nerd with yellow hair is called "Whiz".

(l-r) Ash, Whiz, Kidd, Carla. Yes, the nerd with yellow hair is called “Whiz”.

Everything I’ve mentioned thus far sucks to varying degrees (well, except Repo Man). But because of that “parallel universe” icing, the crap tasted sweeter than cake.  Continue reading

Comments Off on Kidd Video

Filed under Animation Analysis, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Zappalogy

“Dental Hygiene Dilemma”

Thanks to the generous social programs in my fair city, I recently got my teeth fixed, ending over a decade of busted-molar jokes and references in my work. In essence, I no longer feel like I have a mouthful of bloody razors. Once everything healed up, I couldn’t believe how much better I felt overall. Not that I consider myself a lion, but I couldn’t keep from thinking of that old fable with the thorn in the paw. Now I can chew food with my entire mouth, instead of just a small section, gingerly. It’s the little things in life.

If your teeth don’t hurt, or you have easy access to a dentist, thank your lucky stars. I’ll let you in on a little secret; us artists are merely holding on to whatever choppers we can before we croak. There is no “insurance” or “healthcare” for us; it does not exist. These are the breaks. If you want security, you go into insurance. Not drawing cartoons.

Wanna watch a dental hygiene movie?

Wanna watch a dental hygiene movie?

Unless, you know, you sell out, to a company. Continue reading

Comments Off on “Dental Hygiene Dilemma”

Filed under Bad Influences, Eatable Things, Faint Signals, Movies You Missed, Saturday Movie Matinee, Thousand Listen Club, Zappalogy

Women Don’t Whistle

women3

In my experience, I can’t recall ever hearing a woman whistle. In fact, I think women hate whistling.

Whistling is used by men because it’s the only sound we can make that can be heard over distance, or loud noise. Before my voice changed back in grade school, I could imitate the coach’s whistle so well, I could call all the kids back to the gym. Women’s voices never deepen to the point where they can’t shriek, so there’s no need for whistling. Continue reading

Comments Off on Women Don’t Whistle

Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Worst Of All

Joe’s Garage

The greatest concept album of all time is Frank Zappa’s Joe’s Garage

joesgarage1

That’s not my opinion. It’s fact. Joe’s Garage is superior to any rock concept album you could offer in comparison. And I tell you this emphatically; mankind will never produce anything in the future that surpasses it.

Continue reading

Comments Off on Joe’s Garage

Filed under Faint Signals, Thousand Listen Club, Zappalogy