Hey- you know what was great about 2018? Remember when I farted that one time?
That was pretty great, right?
Yesterday, I had my birthday. Everyone wished me good luck.
Isn’t that a great song? I love that album. Crispin Glover is one of my favorite people. Remember when he was “Uncle Dell” in David Lynch’s Wild At Heart? How he stayed up all night making sandwiches?
On the first of May, 2018, sometime about a half-hour before noon, a bar appeared underneath every post on the social networking site Facebook.
I had awakened earlier, in a panic attack, and been scrolling my “newsfeed” in a wrongheaded attempt to relieve my state of depressive shock. Believe it or not, sometimes it works. I find pictures of kitties, or baby hedgehogs, or pretty girls with their whatnots hanging out. Maybe an inspiring story or a naughty bit of humor. I feel better, and get on with the tasks of the day.
But this new snitch bar made things way, way worse.
We need to talk. Does that phrase make you uncomfortable? Good.
Because yes, we’re breaking up. It’s been a long time in coming.
The problem is, you want to be uncomfortable, and you want everyone else to be even more so. You’re just a malcontent. A killjoy. And despite what you might presume, I am not.
An object in motion tends to stay in motion. An object at rest tends to stay at rest.
More accurately, an object that is in motion will not change its velocity unless a force acts upon it. This is Newton’s law of motion. It applies to the average blogger thusly; if you’re having a good posting run, it will continue until some force acts upon it.
It’s time for us, as a species, to make a healthy admission.
The world we knew and loved, just years ago, is dead. It’s gone. It’s never coming back. Not even as a side mission in a GTA game. Now we are left with the nagging sensation that things were once better. It’s too painful to consider the reasons why. Hold on to the memory, and carry on.
I need to do my job as a website manager and give you something you need, that you didn’t know you did. Don’t get spoiled, this won’t happen very often. But if I’m hurting, which I am now more than ever, it means that the rest of the world is hurting even more.
So here’s what you need.