Tag Archives: 2010s

“An Afternoon On The Playground”

From BIUL #1 (2014).

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Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Girls of BIUL, Magazine Rack, Site Stuff

You Can Pick Your Nose, But You Can’t Pick Your Fans

A stalker once told me, as though it validated his abhorrent behavior, “You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friends’ friends.” Admittedly, that’s partly true.

I mean, you’re welcome to pick your nose, if you’d like to be ostracized from society and make everyone sick at the same time. You can pick your friends, provided they’re in the same socio-economic class as you are, and they don’t consort with a better version of your identity. And you can’t pick your friends’ friends, who, for all you know, could be royalty, or morally repugnant wasted orgasms.

If you create art and/or entertainment, you don’t get to pick and choose who likes it.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Uncategorized

No Dark Sarcasm In The Classroom

Comedy stinks right now because you forced it to stink. You vilified every experience in life that makes a great comedian. You made the safe, sponsored version of laughter the norm. You’re so afraid to really laugh in front of other people, that you turned comedy from an anti-establishment weapon into a cottony security blanket.

Comedy stinks right now because of you. Because you’re afraid of your true feelings. 

You probably don’t even know who this is.

Let’s take, as an example, one of these pusillanimous women that the media holds up as Queens of Comedy. You know the ones, I don’t have to name them. They’re all over glossy magazine covers at the checkout aisles, making “zany” faces to remind you they’re funny. 

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Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Late To The Party, Thousand Listen Club

Not For You

I’m old enough to remember when Bill Maher was a stand-up comedian; i.e., a person who stands behind a microphone and makes people laugh. I have vague memories of Kathy Griffin doing the same thing. As far as I can determine now, Maher and Griffin just make people mad, by saying or doing something deliberately inappropriate, and then flaying open their breast in apology, crocodile tears a-flow.

Then they go back to being unfunny. Because funny ain’t what pays their bills.

More integrity and realism than anything Maher has done since.

I’m also old enough to recall when Maher’s show Politically Incorrect lived up to its name, instead of being a vehicle for trendy virtue-signals. My pal Jim Goad once made an appearance. It was far more fringy and loose. Now it’s a reductive caricature, a safe forum for “differing viewpoints” (vetted by the network/sponsors). It’s a funnier joke as it is than anything that ever came out of Bill Maher’s mouth.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Declaration of Intellectual Immunity

Q: What can hurt you on the Internet?

A: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It’s impossible. You cannot read or see something on the Internet and become injured. You can only allow yourself to be manipulated.

So don’t.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Worst Of All

Insecurities Fraud

Pre-Internet, not knowing the meaning of a word was a pretty serious problem.

Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.

Someone who disliked you could put you on the spot, in front of a group, by quizzing you on the meaning of a word.

“Come on, everyone knows what that word means. Don’t you?”
“If you know so much, then what’s it mean?”
“Oh no, I’m not telling. You first.”

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

Dear Bubble People

Wanna make sure I never watch your movie or show?

Title it “Dear White People”. 

Scrub away guilt!

I won’t touch it. I don’t respond well to condescension. I could contract full-blown AIDS, “Dear White People” could have the cure, and I’d die happily, blissfully ignorant, broth bowl in hand, tumbling to the linoleum with a smile.

Any white person who would willfully watch something titled “Dear White People” is fearful of people who aren’t white. Period.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All

The Commoditization of Emotional Discovery

Feel like crying?

There’s an entire genre of movies, TV shows and music, explicitly designed to mollify you in your time of emotional distress. Plus, there’s a contrived ending that tells you everything’s okay. Or not. It’s basically sadness porn, after all.

Feel like laughing? Same deal. Entire blocks of television programming are devoted to laughter, loaded with disparate commercials for unhealthy items and services. You can “binge-watch” every stand-up special a comedian has produced, and then argue about a decrease in their edge, on the Internet. Isn’t that fantastic?

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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Eatable Things, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Uncategorized, Worst Of All

Nothing That Hovers Is Good

A mere two years back, the new and hip way to get around was on a hoverboard. The word was first popularized in 1989, in the time-travel comedy Back To The Future II. Coincidentally, the segments of the film that took place in 2015 featured a “hoverboard” (from Mattel).

I dunno, the kids’ outfits are fairly accurate.

Rumors persisted for decades that Mattel actually produced a real hoverboard, for use on-screen, but parents’ groups kept it off the shelves. The truth is that the technology as depicted does not exist and never has, unless it’s among Tesla’s experiments. The fated hoverboard of 2015 was actually a board with wheels. It did not hover. Or work very well.

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Girls of BIUL, Worst Of All

Let’s Play Victim!

It’s the popular classic game that anyone can play (ages 10 and up)!

Product and player colors may vary.

You’ve been given a job to do, and you can’t do it! Gather the family ’round, and roll the dice. Time to pick a VICTIM card! Continue reading

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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Late To The Party, Worst Of All