Bless This Mess

No need to thank me. I won’t say “I told you so”. I won’t rub it in, or be a “sore winner”. I’m good like that.

I'm sorry you're having trouble. (BONK) I'm sorry you're having trouble.

I’m sorry you’re having trouble. (BONK) I’m sorry you’re having trouble.

Appreciate that the desire to gloat is strong, however. The Left made their bed; now they can die in it. They were so terrified of Bernie Sanders’ predicted landslide victory that they lied, cheated and stole to sabotage it. I’ll never, ever forget or forgive their cowardice and manipulation. But this is a “comedy site”, so let’s put all that aside for the time being. 

Hey- do you know why I didn’t make a dumb statement that I would move out of America if Clinton “won”? Because if she had managed to cheat her way to high office, I’d have to mumble, “oh, well, I didn’t really mean it, I’m not really gonna move, etc.” Two things would be immediately revealed:

  1. I honestly believed that bitch would win.
  2. I have the integrity and credibility of a dung beetle.


As Billy Jack said to the little girl with flour dumped on her head, “There’s a lot of stupid people in the world.” Most of them appeared on television recently, weeping at their loss. That’s what happens when you buy the lie. When you get emotional about politics. When you’re lethally naive. When deep down, the only reason you support a candidate is because they are like you.

Isn’t that what Trump’s opponents charged his supporters with? They just want a white man in office again, right? Did that work the last time? Samuel L. Jackson plainly told the country he voted for Obama because he was black. If someone votes for Trump based on skin color, you have no ground to stand on. The most famous screaming black man in America revealed his politics went no deeper than race. If you’re raging about the “whiteness” of Trump’s crowd while ignoring prejudice like that, you’re exactly the kind of hypocrite that sank the 2016 election.


It’s a SLAV-BILT! [trademark]

I never knew the White House was built by slaves until First Lady Michelle Obama bravely and empoweringly informed us of such. She’s black, so Americans will listen to whatever she says on the matter of slavery. Slavery affects her and her family as much as it does me and mine, or Bozo the Clown’s. I can’t wait until she brings it up again in 2020, when she inevitably makes a bid for the ol’ House Built By Slaves. I don’t know where I got it into my head that the president and his family should inspire the country they preside over, rather than scold, cluck their tongues and pillory.

All those people you called racist for criticizing Obama, for the past eight years. Where did you think they went? Why did you think you could denigrate people like that? Does the Democratic Party even realize the destruction they have wrought, on themselves and their party? What if Hillary had actually played fair, what’s the worst that could’ve happened? She’d have lost to Sanders? Why am I wrong for expecting even a molecule of grace from Clinton or her supporters? Why is this rigged election being protested- did Hillary not fucking cheat enough?

Oh yeah- it’s 2016. There must be protests, for the teeming, neverending throng of NEETs. They literally can do nothing productive, and as they’ll gladly tell you, it’s all your fault. You were supposed to provide a pie-in-the-sky utopia for these precious snowflakes to safely frolic inside. Their asshole parents spoiled them rotten with smartphones and laptops, so until they are gravely injured by their own incompetence, they will never learn anything. The corporate bullshit machine known as “Occupy” proved this, for good.



Trump’s detractors call him a “white supremacist”. Bullshit. Barack Obama had a close spiritual advisor named Rev. Wright, who violently hates white people. Obama appointed Eric Holder, a militant jerkoff who wasted no time in referring to us as “a nation of cowards”. Obama appointed Van Jones as his “green czar”, an open Communist who says ignorant, divisive shit like “whitelash” and “you’ll never see Columbine done by a black child.” Oh, don’t forget: the White House was built by slaves.

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Trump says horrible shit, then he addresses the outrage. Hillary Clinton’s campaign was backed 20% by Saudi Arabia, the only nation on our planet named for its royal family. You know, they had a little something to do with that “9/11” thing back in 2001. Hey- remember when “Obama got Osama”, and Hillary was removed from the war room photo for a Brooklyn paper?


Of course you don’t.

I guess I have to repeat myself here. Americans typically don’t like other people talking down to them, especially if they work for a living. Obama’s health-care debacle actually functioned for some of my friends, I’ll give it that. I myself, as a freelance artist, did not benefit in any way, and I know numerous artists who just up and died. When someone is walking a razor’s edge with their well-being, and disasters are happening every day, you tend to just die when your health care is fucked with. Dead Americans don’t protest, or sign petitions. They do vote, however, when a Democrat is in the running.

I wasn’t an actual Trump supporter, just an angry realist, who kept his anger to himself as best he could (not well). If Trump’s victory came as a total shock to you, you have some serious self-examination to do. You are a part of a nation. A community. You were supposed to choose the best candidate and stick with them, no matter what happened. 

All I saw was frightened people, taken leave of their senses, who abandoned their candidate out of fear. That’s why no Hillary supporters were friendly, or even likable. They knew their time was over. There are a handful of comedians that I will never, ever respect again, thanks to their condescending behavior during the election. I’d name them, but they’ve got a hard enough road ahead of them for the next four years. Don’t be ridiculous.

Isn’t that what the Hillary supporters told me to do? Repeatedly? “Get with the program”? Well, now the program is run by Trump. Get with that. If you can’t look at yourself in the mirror right now, rest assured, it’s all your fault. 

I can look at myself just fine. I was consistent with my principles and beliefs, throughout the gauntlet. As a matter of fact, I haven’t stopped grinning since the results were announced. I knew this would happen. Why do you think I was so enraged all summer? Why do you think I stopped using Facebook? Not only was I powerless to change anything, I was constantly chided by Hillary supporters for my opinions. Unlikable candidate, unlikable crowd. Don’t take that shit out on me. You backed the wrong nag.

There are two deluded individuals on my street who have yet to remove their accursed “Clinton/Kaine”* signs. That’s what it is: delusion. Those signs were great for jokes, though: look! There’s an arrow pointing to the door of an idiot you could easily rob; they’ll just lie down and let you. There’s an arrow for a bumper sticker, making it seem like the driver will make right turns without warning. One sticker read “I pay my taxes, and I’m with her.” Even the bumper stickers are smarmy. Follow her into oblivion, you ivory-tower ass wipe.

(*Welcome to Earth. A man whose name is similar to the name of the worst terrorist in history will see office before someone whose name is homophonous with “Cain“. Go ahead, bitch about “bible-thumpers”. Continue your hateful and biased division. It’s worked so well thus far. Ask former candidate Herman Cain.)

Do you people honestly think, based on the tone I use in my writing, that I’m condescending to my audience? If I am, it’s a joke. I don’t believe, based on my education or upbringing, that I’m “better” than you. I’m one of the best cartoonists in America. That does not mean I can cure cancer. These people who have insulted you based on whom you supported: they think they can turn lead into gold. In reality, they are scared, weeping little babies.

On Election Day, I saw ten times as many Bernie Sanders bumper stickers as I did Clinton’s. I hope, in the future, we can all be more realistic about corporate influence, now that we have a president that will probably run the country like a business, for better or worse. I have considerably less fear that I will be censored or murdered for my opinions. Maybe some day, I can step foot in an airport again. Maybe I won’t even have to remove my fucking shoes, like a vagrant or a goddamn criminal, to board a plane. Just a thought.

Suck it up and stop whining. As you told me countless times about Hillary Clinton, this was inevitable. 

Now is your chance to make the most of it. If the words “Make America Great Again” caused you such malaise and consternation, maybe you should take some time and ask yourself why.

There’s always Canada, if you just can’t take it.


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